On No, My Eyelashes!

14th November 2009.

Isn't it strange that I always thought that if I was diagnosed with something like this, I would fall to pieces.  When people hear the word cancer they automatically think 'death sentence'. In the last week or so I have gained this incredible strength that I didn't know I had. I don't think of myself as having cancer. I refuse at this stage to think too hard about the seriousness of it all, instead place my faith in what the doctors tell me. In my mind I have something in my breast which does not belong there. The doctors are going to remove it, I will have the chemo and radiation and I will be ok.  This tumor is slow growing and the survival rates are good. I will be one of those survivors! I don't have a choice because my life is just starting and I ain't giving it up for anything!  I want to grow old and be one of those old people in the supermarket who holds everyone up and pisses people off.  My nurse Robin has told me that there is a very small window of hope that I may not need chemo....that would be blessing but as for now we will assume that I will have to order the works combo, chemo, radiation and five years of pill popping to keep the pest at bay.  I think it is all to do with whether they find any cells in the lymph nodes which they will take out during surgery. The nodes are discected and the results aren't known until 10 days after surgery.  I'm not too phased at this point to be losing a boobie, I have started looking at wigs.  I pencil my eyebrows now, so once those go I can replace those but.......noooooo, not my eyelashes.  I don't leave the house without mascara on, where I am going to put it now?  Others say, think of the savings, no shampoo, hairstyling products, razors, waxes, even a free brazillian.   All good I suppose but I don't plan on wearing a bikini just yet. I feel a sense of bravado at the moment about the hair but I'm sure when the time comes I'm not going to be overjoyed.  So as to save blocking up the drains and making more work for Darren, I have had my lovely locks cut as short as possible, therefore hopefully making the transition a bit more 'unshocking'.