Nothing much to report really; the Nurse came and took out my last drain today so I'm pretty happy about that. It's been over three weeks now I have been carrying these things around with me and now they have gone just in
time for Xmas. I am now wearing a soft sports bra with a slight padding on the left side, so am able to go out in public quite confidently. The saline that they have put in, even though it was only 60 mls, is causing the fake boobie to feel quite tight as it stretching the skin. I'm glad I have opted for a TRAM flap and not a silicone implant as it feels quite horrible having something foreign in my body. I'm looking forward to Xmas Day tomorrow. Everyone is coming to our house and bringing some food so it should be a great day.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Eat Ya Heart Out Pamela Anderson
Had another visit to plastic surgeon's rooms today. Still have to keep my blessed drain in, it's been 3 weeks now and I'm over it. Luckily he has said that the District Nurse can remove it on Thursday so I won't still have it at Christmas. He removed the tape covering my scar and I was amazed how the scar is not as visible as I thought. I had the first inflation with the saline today. I think I have to have about three all up. He put a butterfly shaped piece of plastic with a needle in the middle through my breast skin and into the port of the skin expander bag, then he filled it up with 60mls of saline. What a weird thing!! One side of me looks like Pamela Anderson at puberty, the other side doesn't. The new fake breast feels slightly firmer than the norm but it is also very round. I never knew about the wonders of modern medical science until all this happened to me; it is fascinating!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
First Post-Op Visit to Specialist
I had my first post-op visit with the breast specialist who performed the mastectomy today. I was a bit nervous as the pathologist results would be explained to me. They thought originally that it was three smaller sized tumors but on investigation it was one complete 4.5 cm mass with 3 peaks. It had been growing for about 3-4 years and I had felt nothing different.....scarey eh? Lots of good things came out of today. One was that it wasn't close to my chest wall as first thought and secondly because of that reason and because all 13 lymph nodes were clear it means that I don't have to have radiation. I'm pretty pleased about that because I wasn't sure how I was going to handle going to work and going into Wellington Hospital every day for 5 weeks. It would have been pretty tiring. I do still have to have chemo but only 4 treatments once every three weeks and yes, I will unfortunately be a baldy. Without having the radiation, it means I will get my new body quicker too. The one annoying thing is though, they didn't do the reconstruction straight away because it would get ruined with the radiation. So because I don't need radiation now, I could have had it done all at the same time. Never mind!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Second Post -Op Visit to Plastic Surgeon
I had my 2nd visit yesterday and am pleased that the breast drain has been taken out. Can't wait for the other one to go and then I will be a free woman. Next time I visit I am going to have my first lot of saline injected into the skin expander so I will at least be a little more balanced for Christmas.
Monday, December 14, 2009
And The Results Are.......
No cancer in the lymph nodes at all. Even though it was tested and came back a grade 2 instead of what they thought was a grade 1, we kicked its arse people. I am literally free of the beast. My surgeon will be discussing this in depth with me on Wednesday about what treatment I have. They are sitting on the fence at the moment as to whether I have chemo or not. I feel very, very lucky as there are women out there who I know with not such a favourable result. Darren got a phone call on Thursday letting us know the results. Some of you may already know that I have been away in Wellington Public Hospital since late Wednesday night but I am back home now with a story to tell.
Wednesday 9th December 2009
Started off a great day. Was feeling pretty good and starting to get my energy back, even managing to walk to the end of the street and back. After lunch on Wednesday I started to feel unwell. I had lit the fire because I couldn't seem to get warm. Darren put me into bed for a sleep but I could feel the coldness creeping up my hands. My whole body started to feel cold so I got back up and went down stairs. The next thing I knew I was in the loo getting rid of my lunch. I felt absolutely ghastly so I went to bed and slept. When I woke up I felt a bit better and Darren made me some toast. I ate that and kept on drinking water. We rang my plastic surgeon who thought it could have been caused be being on the voltarin for too long and advised me to stop taking it and to keep an eye on me and if I am no better to ring him back. At about 8.30pm, things took a turn for the worse and up came the toast and the water. I was dehydrating really fast, my stomach hurt, my heart was racing and when I laid back down on the bed the room began spinning. My breathing had also started to become shallow. Darren rang the plastic surgeon who advised us to seek medical attention from our own GP. We rang the after hours emergency doctor. We were told the on-call doctor was on their way. The time was 9.40pm.
By 10.10pm, no doctor had arrived. We were starting to worry because my breathing was becoming rapid. Darren rang the after hours number to see if the doctor was on his way. He showed up finally at 10.30pm.
The doctor thought that I may have an infection or gastroenteritis and because we would not be able to get a script at that hour of the night he thought it best to ring an ambulance and get me into hospital. He rang my plastic surgeon who advised him that Boulcott Hospital had no room and that I would have to go to Wellington. With that, he proceeded to sit at our table to write a letter to the hospital. I asked him how long the ambulance would take to arrive as I felt I needed oxygen. He said 10-15 mins but he would do his paper work before he rung them. ????? When his paperwork was done, he asked for a phone book to find the number to ring for an ambulance. By this time both Darren and I were wondering if I was in capable hands.
The ambulance arrived in due course and they were wonderful. They gave me something to stop the vomitting, hooked me up to some saline and gave me a bit of morphine for the pain. That is strange thing in itself...it hits your head with a hell of a rush, starting from the neck up. Darren followed us in, in the car. It must have been almost midnight by the time we got to A & E. The staff there were pretty good, they put me on a stretcher bed in a room and carried on where the ambulance staff had left off.
Thursday 10th December 2009
I was in A & E until 4 pm that afternoon where they took blood and did a chest X-ray. The registrar came to see me and said that the blood test showed up a high white cell count which meant that there may have been a bit of an infection. The doctor who had performed my mastectomy happened to be at the hospital that morning. He came to see me and said that he didn't think that I had an infection but they would keep me in for a couple of days for observation. As the day wore on, my underarm began to swell and became very hot. The nurses there were great, they changed my dressings where the drains had started to leak and made sure that I had some lunch.
At 4pm I got moved up to a surgical ward when space became available. That is when it all started to go downhill. To start with, they gave out dinner but missed me out. I was absolutely starving so I had to ring the nurse and ask them please to bring me something to eat. They continued to administer pain relief, anti-biotics and saline. The doctor was due to come round about 8pm. I heard him come in and then he went again. I rang for the nurse and asked what was happening. She said that because some of my notes were missing, he wouldn't see me and had to rush off to a medical emergency but he would hand me over to the doctor who would be on ward rounds next. At 10pm, a very young chinese doctor by the name of Stan called in and had a look at me. He said he would get the registrar to come up shortly to take a look and they would decide what to do. The registrar arrived about 11pm and he seemed to think that the lymphatic fluid was causing my underarm to swell and that they would drain it. I was concerned that all the fluid would ruin the skin expander. He said he and his team would see me in the morning.
Friday 11th December 2009
Well, 6 am arrived and I rang for some pain relief. Half an hour went by and I had to ring again. I was looking forward to seeing the doctor so at least I would start feeling better and would be able to go home. By now my drains were so full, they were ready to stop working. I asked one of the nurses if she would please empty them. She said she would organise it. Two hours went by and nothing was done. I asked another nurse, if they could please empty my drains and she said not to worry as some women go home with the drains still in. She had no idea why I was there. I think she thought I had had my mastectomy there and was waiting to go home. I told her that I had already been home and had been admitted because of a possible infection.
The team of doctors start their rounds at 8 am so knew they weren't far away. By lunchtime, no doctor had been to see me. I asked the nurse when they would be here. She said they had been but I wasn't there, so they went. I was furious. I explained to her that I was in the toilet (which is in the 4 bed ward). The daughter of the lady in the bed opposite me told the doctor where I was but they didn't bother to wait around. The nurse said she would page them and get them to come back. By now I was getting really upset and started to cry. I couldn't text Darren because my battery had gone flat. I was sore, tired and just wanted to go home. I gave up waiting for the nurse to empty my drains, so I ended up going into the toilet and emptying them myself. Later on, the nurse returned and asked me if I wanted her to do it but she said she wasn't sure how to do it because she had never worked with drains before. I thought that was really odd, considering I was in a surgical ward. I told her I had ended up doing it myself before the liquid started flooding back into my body.
The daughter of the lady opposite me let me text Darren off her phone and he rang my plastic surgeon and told him what was going on. They told him to bring me to their rooms and they would look after me. Once Darren turned up, he was quite livid. He asked the nurses what was going on and why I hadn't been seen. They immediately set to getting the registrar up to my ward. It was now almost 4 pm. Sixteen hours had gone by without me being looked at. I gathered my things together and got dressed. I asked the nurse to unlock my locker so that I could get my things. She did it without even asking why. By this time the registrar had turned up. I told them they shouldn't have bothered and that I was disgusted with the treatment and I was
discharging myself and going somewhere else to get the care I needed. She didn't even batt an eyelid, just said ok. So that was that, I walked out, my line still in my arm for the medication and we drove to the plastic surgeons rooms.
When we arrived I just walked in and broke down in tears. I felt mentally and physically exhausted with what I had been through. They put their arms around me and made Darren and I a lovely cup of tea and gave me something to eat (as I missed lunch). They fixed up my drains, gave me some new painkillers and sent me on my way home, tired out but pleased that I was on the mend. This experience has really knocked the stuffing out of me, particularly when I was doing so well. I feel worse than I did when I first came home. I will be making a formal complaint when I am stronger. My mum is coming over to stay this week with me to help me get back on my feet again and to give poor Darren, who has been simply amazing, a wee rest.
Wednesday 9th December 2009
Started off a great day. Was feeling pretty good and starting to get my energy back, even managing to walk to the end of the street and back. After lunch on Wednesday I started to feel unwell. I had lit the fire because I couldn't seem to get warm. Darren put me into bed for a sleep but I could feel the coldness creeping up my hands. My whole body started to feel cold so I got back up and went down stairs. The next thing I knew I was in the loo getting rid of my lunch. I felt absolutely ghastly so I went to bed and slept. When I woke up I felt a bit better and Darren made me some toast. I ate that and kept on drinking water. We rang my plastic surgeon who thought it could have been caused be being on the voltarin for too long and advised me to stop taking it and to keep an eye on me and if I am no better to ring him back. At about 8.30pm, things took a turn for the worse and up came the toast and the water. I was dehydrating really fast, my stomach hurt, my heart was racing and when I laid back down on the bed the room began spinning. My breathing had also started to become shallow. Darren rang the plastic surgeon who advised us to seek medical attention from our own GP. We rang the after hours emergency doctor. We were told the on-call doctor was on their way. The time was 9.40pm.
By 10.10pm, no doctor had arrived. We were starting to worry because my breathing was becoming rapid. Darren rang the after hours number to see if the doctor was on his way. He showed up finally at 10.30pm.
The doctor thought that I may have an infection or gastroenteritis and because we would not be able to get a script at that hour of the night he thought it best to ring an ambulance and get me into hospital. He rang my plastic surgeon who advised him that Boulcott Hospital had no room and that I would have to go to Wellington. With that, he proceeded to sit at our table to write a letter to the hospital. I asked him how long the ambulance would take to arrive as I felt I needed oxygen. He said 10-15 mins but he would do his paper work before he rung them. ????? When his paperwork was done, he asked for a phone book to find the number to ring for an ambulance. By this time both Darren and I were wondering if I was in capable hands.
The ambulance arrived in due course and they were wonderful. They gave me something to stop the vomitting, hooked me up to some saline and gave me a bit of morphine for the pain. That is strange thing in itself...it hits your head with a hell of a rush, starting from the neck up. Darren followed us in, in the car. It must have been almost midnight by the time we got to A & E. The staff there were pretty good, they put me on a stretcher bed in a room and carried on where the ambulance staff had left off.
Thursday 10th December 2009
I was in A & E until 4 pm that afternoon where they took blood and did a chest X-ray. The registrar came to see me and said that the blood test showed up a high white cell count which meant that there may have been a bit of an infection. The doctor who had performed my mastectomy happened to be at the hospital that morning. He came to see me and said that he didn't think that I had an infection but they would keep me in for a couple of days for observation. As the day wore on, my underarm began to swell and became very hot. The nurses there were great, they changed my dressings where the drains had started to leak and made sure that I had some lunch.
At 4pm I got moved up to a surgical ward when space became available. That is when it all started to go downhill. To start with, they gave out dinner but missed me out. I was absolutely starving so I had to ring the nurse and ask them please to bring me something to eat. They continued to administer pain relief, anti-biotics and saline. The doctor was due to come round about 8pm. I heard him come in and then he went again. I rang for the nurse and asked what was happening. She said that because some of my notes were missing, he wouldn't see me and had to rush off to a medical emergency but he would hand me over to the doctor who would be on ward rounds next. At 10pm, a very young chinese doctor by the name of Stan called in and had a look at me. He said he would get the registrar to come up shortly to take a look and they would decide what to do. The registrar arrived about 11pm and he seemed to think that the lymphatic fluid was causing my underarm to swell and that they would drain it. I was concerned that all the fluid would ruin the skin expander. He said he and his team would see me in the morning.
Friday 11th December 2009
Well, 6 am arrived and I rang for some pain relief. Half an hour went by and I had to ring again. I was looking forward to seeing the doctor so at least I would start feeling better and would be able to go home. By now my drains were so full, they were ready to stop working. I asked one of the nurses if she would please empty them. She said she would organise it. Two hours went by and nothing was done. I asked another nurse, if they could please empty my drains and she said not to worry as some women go home with the drains still in. She had no idea why I was there. I think she thought I had had my mastectomy there and was waiting to go home. I told her that I had already been home and had been admitted because of a possible infection.
The team of doctors start their rounds at 8 am so knew they weren't far away. By lunchtime, no doctor had been to see me. I asked the nurse when they would be here. She said they had been but I wasn't there, so they went. I was furious. I explained to her that I was in the toilet (which is in the 4 bed ward). The daughter of the lady in the bed opposite me told the doctor where I was but they didn't bother to wait around. The nurse said she would page them and get them to come back. By now I was getting really upset and started to cry. I couldn't text Darren because my battery had gone flat. I was sore, tired and just wanted to go home. I gave up waiting for the nurse to empty my drains, so I ended up going into the toilet and emptying them myself. Later on, the nurse returned and asked me if I wanted her to do it but she said she wasn't sure how to do it because she had never worked with drains before. I thought that was really odd, considering I was in a surgical ward. I told her I had ended up doing it myself before the liquid started flooding back into my body.
The daughter of the lady opposite me let me text Darren off her phone and he rang my plastic surgeon and told him what was going on. They told him to bring me to their rooms and they would look after me. Once Darren turned up, he was quite livid. He asked the nurses what was going on and why I hadn't been seen. They immediately set to getting the registrar up to my ward. It was now almost 4 pm. Sixteen hours had gone by without me being looked at. I gathered my things together and got dressed. I asked the nurse to unlock my locker so that I could get my things. She did it without even asking why. By this time the registrar had turned up. I told them they shouldn't have bothered and that I was disgusted with the treatment and I was
discharging myself and going somewhere else to get the care I needed. She didn't even batt an eyelid, just said ok. So that was that, I walked out, my line still in my arm for the medication and we drove to the plastic surgeons rooms.
When we arrived I just walked in and broke down in tears. I felt mentally and physically exhausted with what I had been through. They put their arms around me and made Darren and I a lovely cup of tea and gave me something to eat (as I missed lunch). They fixed up my drains, gave me some new painkillers and sent me on my way home, tired out but pleased that I was on the mend. This experience has really knocked the stuffing out of me, particularly when I was doing so well. I feel worse than I did when I first came home. I will be making a formal complaint when I am stronger. My mum is coming over to stay this week with me to help me get back on my feet again and to give poor Darren, who has been simply amazing, a wee rest.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
First Post-Op Visit To Plastic Surgeon
Not a very exciting post really. Had my first visit to David Glasson this morning. Not really much to report. They checked to see if the wound is healing ok and changed the dressing and emptied the drains. It looks like I am in for the long haul with these buggars as there is still quite a lot happening. The lymphatic fluid is apparently supposed to be clear but mine is milky so I have to have a very low fat diet for the next couple of days. If the liquid goes clear by doing that then it means that they have probably nicked the node that is connected to the digestive system. They didn't really say what they would do if that has happened. They haven't started filling up the skin expander yet. That will probably happen in a couple of weeks when the drains come out. I have been given the go ahead to drive again, wahoo!! My next appointment is with the surgeon, Burton King. That is next Wednesday. We will found out from him what the findings were from the lymph nodes. Fingers crossed there was nothing and I won't have to have the dreaded chemo!
I feel really fortunate to have been able to have all this done through the private system and am so glad I talked Darren into taking Surgical Insurance out a few years back. He really wasn't that keen on paying out for something that we may never use. After my experience in 2005 when I went through the public system, I had to wait 6 weeks before I even got an appointment at the Breast Clinic at Wellington Hospital. I then had to wait another 4 weeks for my results....you can only imagine what that does to your head.Then when I did go back for the verdict, they had lost the mammogram films. I can't help but wonder if there wasn't something there way back then but being in the public system, they just didn't investigate it further. It took exactly one month privately from diagnoses to surgery. If I had not held up the MRI it would have been three weeks.
Whilst I was going through surgery I had met online, a woman who was going through the same thing, only she was going through the public system. She was from Greymouth and had her surgery in Christchurch which is a four hour drive from her home. We kept in touch by text and boy, what a difference in the service we both had. It became a joking point at every meal time when she would text me to see what I was having. The first day she asked what was for breakfast in private. I told her, cereal, fruit, yoghurt, two slices of toast, choice of spreads and perked coffee. She replied they had a choice of porridge, cornflakes or cold toast and a mug of tea made with a tea bag. She shared a ward with five others; I had my own room with my own bathroom. The care was exceptional and made what was happening to me easier to cope with. On our discharge days I was sent home with drains in, prescription for pain killers and antibiotics and a visit from the district health nurse daily. She was sent home with drains taken out, no pain killers, no district nurse. The night after she got home, she ended up in A & E in terrible pain from where the lymphatic fluid was building up and draining back into her body. So far the cost of my treatment (without reconstructive surgery) is about $17,000. So, there is my plug to take out Surgery Insurance. You never know when you might need it. A month previous to my diagnoses I discovered lumps on my thyroid gland and am going through the public system for treatment. I have only just received a letter to say that I will have an appointment made with the specialist within the next six months. Lucky it's not life threatening!
I feel really fortunate to have been able to have all this done through the private system and am so glad I talked Darren into taking Surgical Insurance out a few years back. He really wasn't that keen on paying out for something that we may never use. After my experience in 2005 when I went through the public system, I had to wait 6 weeks before I even got an appointment at the Breast Clinic at Wellington Hospital. I then had to wait another 4 weeks for my results....you can only imagine what that does to your head.Then when I did go back for the verdict, they had lost the mammogram films. I can't help but wonder if there wasn't something there way back then but being in the public system, they just didn't investigate it further. It took exactly one month privately from diagnoses to surgery. If I had not held up the MRI it would have been three weeks.
Whilst I was going through surgery I had met online, a woman who was going through the same thing, only she was going through the public system. She was from Greymouth and had her surgery in Christchurch which is a four hour drive from her home. We kept in touch by text and boy, what a difference in the service we both had. It became a joking point at every meal time when she would text me to see what I was having. The first day she asked what was for breakfast in private. I told her, cereal, fruit, yoghurt, two slices of toast, choice of spreads and perked coffee. She replied they had a choice of porridge, cornflakes or cold toast and a mug of tea made with a tea bag. She shared a ward with five others; I had my own room with my own bathroom. The care was exceptional and made what was happening to me easier to cope with. On our discharge days I was sent home with drains in, prescription for pain killers and antibiotics and a visit from the district health nurse daily. She was sent home with drains taken out, no pain killers, no district nurse. The night after she got home, she ended up in A & E in terrible pain from where the lymphatic fluid was building up and draining back into her body. So far the cost of my treatment (without reconstructive surgery) is about $17,000. So, there is my plug to take out Surgery Insurance. You never know when you might need it. A month previous to my diagnoses I discovered lumps on my thyroid gland and am going through the public system for treatment. I have only just received a letter to say that I will have an appointment made with the specialist within the next six months. Lucky it's not life threatening!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
New Accessories
Well, I have been home exactly two days and I am bored already. I'm not allowed to drive so will be pretty housebound next week when Darren goes back to work. Getting really sick of my drains leaking. The nurse has started her visits and fixed the problem this morning but the leak is back this afternoon. Managed to go out visiting yesterday afternoon for a little while and then got really tired and had to come home. The nurse brought me a present round yesterday, two satin handbags to carry my drains in....hmmm a fashion accessory nobody really wants!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Titty Titty Gone Gone!
Hey everyone, it's me and I'm back in Blogland.
Not really sure where to start...probably best to continue on from where Nicole left off, with my side of the story!
Tuesday afternoon, December 1st.
What a small world we live in. As I was wheeled into theatre I was greeted by a nurse who knew me. My youngest and her eldest daughter used to be friends when they were at primary school. I shuffled myself off of my bed and onto the operating table, the surgeon held my hand and asked me if I felt woozy. I nodded yes and that was the last I knew. My biggest fear had been waking up halfway through the surgery (well you do hear of it happening!!). Next thing I was in recovery and it was just gone 4 pm. Crikey, that didn't take em long! Good, I hadn't missed dinner! I put my hand up and checked that they had taken the right boobie and then noticed my legs were tingling. The nurse explained that I had special things wrapped around my legs that were massaging to prevent blood clots. I was then wheeled back to my room where apparently I greeted everybody with a 'hello' and a lovely smile. I took my first look at my wound and it wasn't as bad as what I thought it was going to be. I could see and feel the skin expander that they had put in placed. By 6 pm I was sitting up having a cup of tea and some sandwiches. I didn't really like being attached to all the drips etc. I had oxygen tubes up my nose, a saline drip in my arm, the massaging socks plugged in at the bottom on the bed and two drains from the surgery sites which meant that I had to get a nurse in to get me a potty when I wanted a wee. Never thought I'd have trouble going....stage fright is a funny thing when you know your visitors are all waiting outside the door for you to pee! The evening nurse tried to get me out of bed for the first time to use the loo. My legs were very wobbly and as I soon as I took a step I felt like throwing up. I felt like a right nuisance having to ring the bell every hour for a nurse to get me a potty. Turns out the fluids that they were pumping into me were going in one end and out the other, so they disconnected the saline which was a relief and also the oxygen.
Wednesday 2nd December
The night nurse came into empty my drains at 2pm and I managed to get out of bed for the first time and was able to sit on the loo. Today was a good day...I had lots of visitors and was spoilt rotten with cards and flowers. I was surprised at how little pain I was in. I had been shown how to use the morphine pump before I was wheeled into surgery but so far had only needed panadol and voltarin, much to Darren's annoyance. He was hoping I would get off my face on morphine and provide some entertainment. I was pleased to be able to get rid of the massaging socks today. They are the most annoying things. They fill up alternatively with air (a bit like a blood pressure guage) and then when the air goes out of them, it sounds like somebody breathing. Very weird. I had my first visit from the physio this morning. She ran through some exercises to get me to start stretching my arm, which by the way, is numb in the armpit. I was encouraged to get up and have a shower today which was really nice and also to get into my own pjs. I went for my first walk down the corridor today and started to feel a bit more human.
Thursday 3rd December
Another good day today. Am in good spirits. The nurse has taken the needle out of my hand where they were injecting antibiotics (just as a safeguard against infection). Now all I had to contend with was the drains. Had another couple of walks today and even put on a bit of mascara. Tidied up my room a bit and packed up a few things for Darren to take home with him tonight. I was looking forward to going home tomorrow. I must have been excited about that because I just could not get to sleep. I usually sleep on my side or my tummy but have had to sleep on my back for obvious reasons. The bed seemed to be more uncomfortable narrow and I felt like I had bruises on my bum. I put the bed up, I put the bed the down. I took all the pillows off, I put them all back on.....arrrrgh! I finally rang the bell at 10.30 and asked for a sleeping pill.
Friday 4th December
Seven o'clock and the sun is up. What a great day to be going home. The plastic surgeon and nurse came in at 7.30 and gave me a check over and wrote me a script for painkillers. I ate breakfast, showered, got dressed and packed up my stuff. By 10.00am (checkout time) I was at reception with Darren waiting to go. I couldn't find my script so Darren went and found my nurse who wanted to know what I thought I was doing out of my room. I was swiftly sent back with my tail between my legs. The nurses told me they had never had anyone try to break out as fast as I had. And what a beautiful day it was!! The sun was shining, the sea was a beautiful blue as we came down Pukerua Bay hill.
Not really sure where to start...probably best to continue on from where Nicole left off, with my side of the story!
Tuesday afternoon, December 1st.
What a small world we live in. As I was wheeled into theatre I was greeted by a nurse who knew me. My youngest and her eldest daughter used to be friends when they were at primary school. I shuffled myself off of my bed and onto the operating table, the surgeon held my hand and asked me if I felt woozy. I nodded yes and that was the last I knew. My biggest fear had been waking up halfway through the surgery (well you do hear of it happening!!). Next thing I was in recovery and it was just gone 4 pm. Crikey, that didn't take em long! Good, I hadn't missed dinner! I put my hand up and checked that they had taken the right boobie and then noticed my legs were tingling. The nurse explained that I had special things wrapped around my legs that were massaging to prevent blood clots. I was then wheeled back to my room where apparently I greeted everybody with a 'hello' and a lovely smile. I took my first look at my wound and it wasn't as bad as what I thought it was going to be. I could see and feel the skin expander that they had put in placed. By 6 pm I was sitting up having a cup of tea and some sandwiches. I didn't really like being attached to all the drips etc. I had oxygen tubes up my nose, a saline drip in my arm, the massaging socks plugged in at the bottom on the bed and two drains from the surgery sites which meant that I had to get a nurse in to get me a potty when I wanted a wee. Never thought I'd have trouble going....stage fright is a funny thing when you know your visitors are all waiting outside the door for you to pee! The evening nurse tried to get me out of bed for the first time to use the loo. My legs were very wobbly and as I soon as I took a step I felt like throwing up. I felt like a right nuisance having to ring the bell every hour for a nurse to get me a potty. Turns out the fluids that they were pumping into me were going in one end and out the other, so they disconnected the saline which was a relief and also the oxygen.
Wednesday 2nd December
The night nurse came into empty my drains at 2pm and I managed to get out of bed for the first time and was able to sit on the loo. Today was a good day...I had lots of visitors and was spoilt rotten with cards and flowers. I was surprised at how little pain I was in. I had been shown how to use the morphine pump before I was wheeled into surgery but so far had only needed panadol and voltarin, much to Darren's annoyance. He was hoping I would get off my face on morphine and provide some entertainment. I was pleased to be able to get rid of the massaging socks today. They are the most annoying things. They fill up alternatively with air (a bit like a blood pressure guage) and then when the air goes out of them, it sounds like somebody breathing. Very weird. I had my first visit from the physio this morning. She ran through some exercises to get me to start stretching my arm, which by the way, is numb in the armpit. I was encouraged to get up and have a shower today which was really nice and also to get into my own pjs. I went for my first walk down the corridor today and started to feel a bit more human.
Thursday 3rd December
Another good day today. Am in good spirits. The nurse has taken the needle out of my hand where they were injecting antibiotics (just as a safeguard against infection). Now all I had to contend with was the drains. Had another couple of walks today and even put on a bit of mascara. Tidied up my room a bit and packed up a few things for Darren to take home with him tonight. I was looking forward to going home tomorrow. I must have been excited about that because I just could not get to sleep. I usually sleep on my side or my tummy but have had to sleep on my back for obvious reasons. The bed seemed to be more uncomfortable narrow and I felt like I had bruises on my bum. I put the bed up, I put the bed the down. I took all the pillows off, I put them all back on.....arrrrgh! I finally rang the bell at 10.30 and asked for a sleeping pill.
Friday 4th December
Seven o'clock and the sun is up. What a great day to be going home. The plastic surgeon and nurse came in at 7.30 and gave me a check over and wrote me a script for painkillers. I ate breakfast, showered, got dressed and packed up my stuff. By 10.00am (checkout time) I was at reception with Darren waiting to go. I couldn't find my script so Darren went and found my nurse who wanted to know what I thought I was doing out of my room. I was swiftly sent back with my tail between my legs. The nurses told me they had never had anyone try to break out as fast as I had. And what a beautiful day it was!! The sun was shining, the sea was a beautiful blue as we came down Pukerua Bay hill.
First day home with all the lovely flowers that people sent.
Shiya is pleased to have her mum home
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Pre & Post-Surgery Pictures
As promised yesterday, here are a few pic's from before and after the surgery. We did take a few of 'the girls' but Mum decided she's not quite ready to be an internet superstar ala Britney Spears or Paris Hilton, quite just yet.
Before....
Feeling excited to "knock the bastard off."
Thumbs up before surgey!
After...
Thumbs up after surgery!
Mum joking around with her sick cup!
Mum is on track with with pysio and pain relief, so she will be coming home tomorrow. She's looking foward to being in her own surroundings and more importantly her own bed. She said last night she was a tad home-sick. I think she even misses the Puppy.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Surgery day
Good morning all!
I hope all is well in your part of the world today.
Nicole here (Julie's eldest daughter), with a little bit of an update...
..We left Paraparaumu yesterday at 10.30am, and headed for the hospital. We had quite a posse, with Darren, Mum, Myself, Darrens parents Pete & Wendy & picking up Kelsey from Kilbirnie.
On arrival at Bowen we were told that her surgery was going to be earlier than expected. Mum was getting a tad nervous at this stage.
After meeting a very eccentric anesthetist who skipped to and from different hospital rooms, and two very straight foward surgeons, it was game time.
Mum joked with one of her surgeon's, that he should not talk whilst performing her surgery as he is a man and would be unable to do two things at once. He then asked her which side they were removing and upon being reminded that it was her left he drew a MASSIVE arrow on her chest pointing to which breast - just incase he was unable to effetively multi-task.
We said a family prayer, and then she was off. She had a few tears in theatre before going under, but her team were fantastic. Even holding her hands and comforting her right up until she went under.
The surgery was scheduled to take 4 hours at least and she was out and in recovery in 2.5 hours. Fantastic!
She is a bit sore and a bit groggy but otherwise doing very well. the staff at Bowen are fantastic. Mum's room has been dubbed 'the party room' as there is alot of love, support & laughter in her room. She even has the nurse's in fits of laughter.
I do have pictures from pre & post surgery but I don't have them with me so I will post them tonight for you all to see.
Once again thanks for all of your unconditional support and love.
XXX
Nicole
P.S I have left Mum with a notebook & pen, so she can write her own blogs from hosptal and I shall type them up. Your regular blogger will be back before you know it!
I hope all is well in your part of the world today.
Nicole here (Julie's eldest daughter), with a little bit of an update...
..We left Paraparaumu yesterday at 10.30am, and headed for the hospital. We had quite a posse, with Darren, Mum, Myself, Darrens parents Pete & Wendy & picking up Kelsey from Kilbirnie.
On arrival at Bowen we were told that her surgery was going to be earlier than expected. Mum was getting a tad nervous at this stage.
After meeting a very eccentric anesthetist who skipped to and from different hospital rooms, and two very straight foward surgeons, it was game time.
Mum joked with one of her surgeon's, that he should not talk whilst performing her surgery as he is a man and would be unable to do two things at once. He then asked her which side they were removing and upon being reminded that it was her left he drew a MASSIVE arrow on her chest pointing to which breast - just incase he was unable to effetively multi-task.
We said a family prayer, and then she was off. She had a few tears in theatre before going under, but her team were fantastic. Even holding her hands and comforting her right up until she went under.
The surgery was scheduled to take 4 hours at least and she was out and in recovery in 2.5 hours. Fantastic!
She is a bit sore and a bit groggy but otherwise doing very well. the staff at Bowen are fantastic. Mum's room has been dubbed 'the party room' as there is alot of love, support & laughter in her room. She even has the nurse's in fits of laughter.
I do have pictures from pre & post surgery but I don't have them with me so I will post them tonight for you all to see.
Once again thanks for all of your unconditional support and love.
XXX
Nicole
P.S I have left Mum with a notebook & pen, so she can write her own blogs from hosptal and I shall type them up. Your regular blogger will be back before you know it!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
The Journey Begins
Well today is the day. A day off from work and I can't even have a sleep in. Pre-op instructions, light breakfast before 7am. Either toast, cereal or fruit. That sucks, can't I have all three? So at 1/4 to seven I am standing in my kitchen in my underwear savouring my last cup of tea with milk and jamming weetbix down my throat. Only black tea or coffee or water now until 10am and then nothing! All I can say is, I hope they have something decent on the menu tonight coz I'm gonna be starving by tea time. Slept ok and I'm feeling a bit hyped but not nervous yet although I am starting to perspire. Great, I'm not even allowed to apply any deoderant after the first of my two anti-bacterial showers this morning. Should be thankful it's not a boiling hot day.
I'd say God is going to have a pretty hectic morning too. He's gonna be pretty busy hearing all the prayers that are being sent up for me today. I can just hear him muttering, "Oh, not another one for Julie Clarke!" I hope he's listening!!
I'd say God is going to have a pretty hectic morning too. He's gonna be pretty busy hearing all the prayers that are being sent up for me today. I can just hear him muttering, "Oh, not another one for Julie Clarke!" I hope he's listening!!
Monday, November 30, 2009
I've Never Received So Many Flowers
Never in my life have I ever received so many bunches of flowers, so much so that it was becoming embarrassing at work because my desk was covered in them. But I do feel blessed. I feel blessed for having such a lot of caring supporting people around me. It's at times like this in your life that you realise who the people are who really care and those who don't give a fat rats arse.
Since my diagnoses there have been mended relationships which I thought may have been permanently broken. I have received flowers from people that I have never met. There have been the kind family and friends who have brought round a meal, inlaws that have collected firewood, kind thoughts that people have put down in a card, just to let us know they are thinking about us. Strangers that have walked this road themselves who are quite happy to visit with a listening ear, helpful advice and a useful book.
And then there are the friends who I thought would be there but stay away because they don't know how to react. There are the people who I see on a regular basis who's only concern is how it is effecting them. And finally there are those uninformed people who in some sadistic way enjoy telling me tales of woe, morbid stories of people that haven't been lucky enough to pull through, of the horrific treatments and suffering I am going to have to endure. Those, that even though they have not been through it, are experts on knowing how I feel, how I'm going to be feeling and how awful it is all going to be. I will find out when I get there thanks by taking one step at time.
Since my diagnoses there have been mended relationships which I thought may have been permanently broken. I have received flowers from people that I have never met. There have been the kind family and friends who have brought round a meal, inlaws that have collected firewood, kind thoughts that people have put down in a card, just to let us know they are thinking about us. Strangers that have walked this road themselves who are quite happy to visit with a listening ear, helpful advice and a useful book.
And then there are the friends who I thought would be there but stay away because they don't know how to react. There are the people who I see on a regular basis who's only concern is how it is effecting them. And finally there are those uninformed people who in some sadistic way enjoy telling me tales of woe, morbid stories of people that haven't been lucky enough to pull through, of the horrific treatments and suffering I am going to have to endure. Those, that even though they have not been through it, are experts on knowing how I feel, how I'm going to be feeling and how awful it is all going to be. I will find out when I get there thanks by taking one step at time.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Swimming Lopsided
26th November 2009
The most welcome news arrived today! MRI showed no tumor in the right breast, hallelujah!! The results were so late because it appears that they may have found a third 'something' (which in no way makes it more serious or put me in any danger) in the left side. They are not sure if it is a tumor or not and the medics were in a bit of a quandry as to what to do with me. They asked me if I wanted an ultrasound of the other two masses because if they weren't cancerous, then they could save my breast by only performing a lumpectomy. The nurse's advice to me was if it was her, she would still go with taking off the entire breast just to be sure. So that is what I am going with. I have accepted now that I am going to lose one side of me so may as well go with it and know in my own mind that everything has gone instead of forever worrying that it may still be lurking. So all systems are go! Op will take place around 12 noon at Bowen Hospital in Ngaio on Tuesday 1st December.
The most welcome news arrived today! MRI showed no tumor in the right breast, hallelujah!! The results were so late because it appears that they may have found a third 'something' (which in no way makes it more serious or put me in any danger) in the left side. They are not sure if it is a tumor or not and the medics were in a bit of a quandry as to what to do with me. They asked me if I wanted an ultrasound of the other two masses because if they weren't cancerous, then they could save my breast by only performing a lumpectomy. The nurse's advice to me was if it was her, she would still go with taking off the entire breast just to be sure. So that is what I am going with. I have accepted now that I am going to lose one side of me so may as well go with it and know in my own mind that everything has gone instead of forever worrying that it may still be lurking. So all systems are go! Op will take place around 12 noon at Bowen Hospital in Ngaio on Tuesday 1st December.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Taking A Nap in a 10 Gallon Drum!
Today I had to beat the path once again over to Boulcott, this time to get my breasts photographed from the inside out in the form of an MRI. I was not particularly looking forward to this being done as I had seen these machines on tv and thought how frightening they looked. I had had a really bad morning at work and was already stressed when I arrived for my appointment. My heart was thudding in my chest which was going to make it really hard to lie perfectly still. I was shown to a cubicle, once again given a standard hospital gown that does up down the front and then I was given a selection of music to chose to listen to. I thought the relaxing piano melodies would be good to calm me but it ended up being more annoying than the noise of the machine and I didn't recognise any of the songs. Anyway, back to matter at hand. I had to have a line put in my vein where they were going to eventually inject a dye. I was then taken to the room where the 'monster' machine was. It didn't look half as frightening as what I thought. I had to lay on my tummy with my mammaries hanging randomly into a space below where they would be told to smile for the camera. My arms were strapped to my sides and a buzzer placed in one hand, should I need them to stop. They then put headphones on me and I had to lay my head on one side on a special pillow with a hole cut out to make room for the earphones. The techs talk to you through the headphones at regular intervals and they explain what is happening. So once I was ready for take off, they pushed the button and off I went. I had to lay perfectly still for two lots of five minute sessions. For the final one I felt the cold dye go up my arm to my shoulder when they injected it in. I had to lay perfectly still for 11 minutes more which was really difficult and my nose kept threatening to itch. The machine was quite noisy and I could hardly hear the music. Do you think they would have minded if I had pressed the buzzer and asked them to turn it up a bit? So now, another waiting game starts. But thank goodness that is the end of all the tests. I just want to get on with the proceedure now. My operation is booked for Tuesday 1st December and I am taking two months off of work, working right up until the Monday. My op is scheduled for lunchtime, dam I'm going to be starving by then!
Visit to the Plastic Surgeon
17th November 2009
I never wished to have anything altered, except for maybe my nose. Darren and I are truly amazed at the choices out there for reconstructive surgery. We met with the surgeon who is going to be remodelling me after I have finished my therapy. He drew all over my belly with red felt pen to show me one of the proceedures and where the scarring would be. Because I am going to have radiation the medics prefer not to reconstruct the breast until afterwards because in plain English, the radiation can undo all the work by cooking it and making it rubbery. After they have removed the breast they are going to insert a skin expander. I call it a space saver. It is a round bag with a port in it. It is inserted under the skin and every week it is topped up through the port with saline to the desired size. Basically I have four options:-
1. To not have any reconstruction.
2. Silicone inplants
3. Tummy muscle and fat used to recreate new breast
4. Back muscle used to recreate new breast.
The doctor placed a silicone implant into my hand. I was surprised at how heavy it was but it was the same weight as a natural breast. For me having something foreign in my body does not appeal. Once the skin starts to heal and scar tissue forms it can squeeze around the implant causing it to pucker and then I would be back to square 1.
The tummy muscle recreation is called a TRAM flap. They slice your tummy from hip to hip and around your tummy button, roll up the skin and push one side of your tummy muscle up into the chest to form a breast. They then replace the muscle with mesh, I guess, to hold everything in. He said that I would only just have enough fat to make one, so if I have to have a double whammy, then this won't be an option. The upside of this is that I get a FREE tummy tuck. May as well make the best of a bad situation, I say. One problem with that, he informed us is that it raises your public hair line a little when they pull the skin up. I have visions of pubes, peaking over the waist band of my jeans.....not a particularly attractive look, is it? The scar is really low down and will eventually fade to white.
The last option is probably the one I will take in the event of having both breasts off. They slice along the back below the shoulder blades and push the muscle around the sides to form breasts. Because there is no fat there they have to insert a partial implant which isn't as risky as having full implants.
Once all that is done, they create a nipple from a fold of skin and then later on tattoo the areola on. Bloody amazing! I told Darren that he doesn't need his nipples, so he may as well donate them to me. When I had a look at what I'd be getting I decided against it.....far too much hair for my liking. So, it all hinges on what surgery I have to have as to what option I will take.
PS: Thanks to all my friends for offering their extra tummy fat...I have been inundated with offers.
I never wished to have anything altered, except for maybe my nose. Darren and I are truly amazed at the choices out there for reconstructive surgery. We met with the surgeon who is going to be remodelling me after I have finished my therapy. He drew all over my belly with red felt pen to show me one of the proceedures and where the scarring would be. Because I am going to have radiation the medics prefer not to reconstruct the breast until afterwards because in plain English, the radiation can undo all the work by cooking it and making it rubbery. After they have removed the breast they are going to insert a skin expander. I call it a space saver. It is a round bag with a port in it. It is inserted under the skin and every week it is topped up through the port with saline to the desired size. Basically I have four options:-
1. To not have any reconstruction.
2. Silicone inplants
3. Tummy muscle and fat used to recreate new breast
4. Back muscle used to recreate new breast.
The doctor placed a silicone implant into my hand. I was surprised at how heavy it was but it was the same weight as a natural breast. For me having something foreign in my body does not appeal. Once the skin starts to heal and scar tissue forms it can squeeze around the implant causing it to pucker and then I would be back to square 1.
The tummy muscle recreation is called a TRAM flap. They slice your tummy from hip to hip and around your tummy button, roll up the skin and push one side of your tummy muscle up into the chest to form a breast. They then replace the muscle with mesh, I guess, to hold everything in. He said that I would only just have enough fat to make one, so if I have to have a double whammy, then this won't be an option. The upside of this is that I get a FREE tummy tuck. May as well make the best of a bad situation, I say. One problem with that, he informed us is that it raises your public hair line a little when they pull the skin up. I have visions of pubes, peaking over the waist band of my jeans.....not a particularly attractive look, is it? The scar is really low down and will eventually fade to white.
The last option is probably the one I will take in the event of having both breasts off. They slice along the back below the shoulder blades and push the muscle around the sides to form breasts. Because there is no fat there they have to insert a partial implant which isn't as risky as having full implants.
Once all that is done, they create a nipple from a fold of skin and then later on tattoo the areola on. Bloody amazing! I told Darren that he doesn't need his nipples, so he may as well donate them to me. When I had a look at what I'd be getting I decided against it.....far too much hair for my liking. So, it all hinges on what surgery I have to have as to what option I will take.
PS: Thanks to all my friends for offering their extra tummy fat...I have been inundated with offers.
On No, My Eyelashes!
14th November 2009.
Isn't it strange that I always thought that if I was diagnosed with something like this, I would fall to pieces. When people hear the word cancer they automatically think 'death sentence'. In the last week or so I have gained this incredible strength that I didn't know I had. I don't think of myself as having cancer. I refuse at this stage to think too hard about the seriousness of it all, instead place my faith in what the doctors tell me. In my mind I have something in my breast which does not belong there. The doctors are going to remove it, I will have the chemo and radiation and I will be ok. This tumor is slow growing and the survival rates are good. I will be one of those survivors! I don't have a choice because my life is just starting and I ain't giving it up for anything! I want to grow old and be one of those old people in the supermarket who holds everyone up and pisses people off. My nurse Robin has told me that there is a very small window of hope that I may not need chemo....that would be blessing but as for now we will assume that I will have to order the works combo, chemo, radiation and five years of pill popping to keep the pest at bay. I think it is all to do with whether they find any cells in the lymph nodes which they will take out during surgery. The nodes are discected and the results aren't known until 10 days after surgery. I'm not too phased at this point to be losing a boobie, I have started looking at wigs. I pencil my eyebrows now, so once those go I can replace those but.......noooooo, not my eyelashes. I don't leave the house without mascara on, where I am going to put it now? Others say, think of the savings, no shampoo, hairstyling products, razors, waxes, even a free brazillian. All good I suppose but I don't plan on wearing a bikini just yet. I feel a sense of bravado at the moment about the hair but I'm sure when the time comes I'm not going to be overjoyed. So as to save blocking up the drains and making more work for Darren, I have had my lovely locks cut as short as possible, therefore hopefully making the transition a bit more 'unshocking'.
Visit To The Surgeon
11th November 2009
An appointment had been made with another surgeon to perform the operation as my initial surgeon was going to be away for three months. We met Burton King on Wednesday afternoon. He also was astounded that I had actually found the dimpling myself. The specialists nurse informed me that my staging tests had all come back clear so that was a huge relief. Burton did another ultrasound on the breast. What they originally thought was a 6mm mass now was showing up as either two masses or one larger one of 3cm. My stomach churned. I asked him if that meant that it was more serious. He replied that it meant that it was more serious in the fact that my breast couldn't be saved with a lumpectomy and that I would have to have the whole breast off. He looked at me expecting me to be shocked and upset but I had already resigned myself to the fact that this may happen. He also said that with the removal of the breast and chemo and radiation he is confident of a cure. He did an ultrasound of the other breast and seemed to think that it was all clear but the MRI would be done to make sure. Talk about a waiting game!
An appointment had been made with another surgeon to perform the operation as my initial surgeon was going to be away for three months. We met Burton King on Wednesday afternoon. He also was astounded that I had actually found the dimpling myself. The specialists nurse informed me that my staging tests had all come back clear so that was a huge relief. Burton did another ultrasound on the breast. What they originally thought was a 6mm mass now was showing up as either two masses or one larger one of 3cm. My stomach churned. I asked him if that meant that it was more serious. He replied that it meant that it was more serious in the fact that my breast couldn't be saved with a lumpectomy and that I would have to have the whole breast off. He looked at me expecting me to be shocked and upset but I had already resigned myself to the fact that this may happen. He also said that with the removal of the breast and chemo and radiation he is confident of a cure. He did an ultrasound of the other breast and seemed to think that it was all clear but the MRI would be done to make sure. Talk about a waiting game!
The First Week.
9th November 2009.What a rollercoaster of a week that was. The day after diagnosis was probably the worst. I couldn't eat, just wanted to sleep and blot the whole thing out. I did not know how I was ever going to get through this. Quite honestly I wished I could die right there and then rather than face the scarey unknown. There was so much to do, so much information to take in, forms to fill out for the insurance company, mortgage holiday to organise, leave from work......the list went on....all all seemed TOO BIG! I hadn't even really cried. It wasn't until Head Office sent me some flowers with an encouraging message that I actually broke down and let the grief come out. A encouraging phone call from the specialists nurse telling me that I would get through this was what I really needed to hear. The next day I went back to work. I don't know how I managed to concentrate but it was actually a good diversion being kept busy. On the Saturday I went and had my blood tests done. All these tests I was later to find out are calling 'staging' which simply means that they medics can tell which stage the tumor is at. Whilst I was getting my blood taken, the lady taking the blood was telling me that one of their work mates had also been diagnosed that week. Statistics show that seven women a day are diagnosed in NZ alone!
On the Monday I had to go and have my chest x-rayed to make sure there were no cells in my chest. I was really quite worried about this but the specialists nurse said that it was highly unlikely as if that was the case I would have been really sick by now. I was quite apprehensive about receiving my results back within the next couple of days.
On the Monday I had to go and have my chest x-rayed to make sure there were no cells in my chest. I was really quite worried about this but the specialists nurse said that it was highly unlikely as if that was the case I would have been really sick by now. I was quite apprehensive about receiving my results back within the next couple of days.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Diagnosis
3rd November 2009
Driving on our way to get the results of the core biopsy I just wanted to get there, hear the good news that all was fine so that I could come home, carry on life, start eating again and look forward to our cruise next October.
We were early arriving at the clinic. I looked for tell-tale signs on the faces of those that greeted us as to whether they knew of my diagnoses or not. The specialist's nurse came out and asked me if I had brought my mammogram films with me.....from that point on, I knew all was not well. She must want my films to explain something to me, I thought. I looked at Darren and said 'This isn't good, why would they want me to bring my films?" We were shown into the specialists rooms and as I sat down, I saw the results on his desk with Infiltrating Lobular Carcinoma Grade 1 highlighted in blue. I didn't know what on earth it was but I knew right then that our lives were going to be changed forever. The specialist explained that they had found a 6mm tumor. The first question I asked was "Is it terminal?" He replied that no, it wasn't and that it was treatable. He went on to explain that it was the 2nd most common breast cancer but the difference between ductal and lobular cancer is that lobular forms in the milk lobes and seeds itself into other parts of the breast. I would have to have an MRI to see the tumor more clearly and to see if it had gone into the other breast but I would have to wait until another two weeks at least until I was at the beginning of my cycle to get a correct analysis. In the meantime I was to go and have a chest x-ray and my blood tested which would detect whether the cancer had effected by bones, liver or blood. It was all too much. I just sat staring, unblinking, trying to take everything in. Surely this happens to other people....it can't be real....it can't really be happening to me....But it was!
Driving on our way to get the results of the core biopsy I just wanted to get there, hear the good news that all was fine so that I could come home, carry on life, start eating again and look forward to our cruise next October.
We were early arriving at the clinic. I looked for tell-tale signs on the faces of those that greeted us as to whether they knew of my diagnoses or not. The specialist's nurse came out and asked me if I had brought my mammogram films with me.....from that point on, I knew all was not well. She must want my films to explain something to me, I thought. I looked at Darren and said 'This isn't good, why would they want me to bring my films?" We were shown into the specialists rooms and as I sat down, I saw the results on his desk with Infiltrating Lobular Carcinoma Grade 1 highlighted in blue. I didn't know what on earth it was but I knew right then that our lives were going to be changed forever. The specialist explained that they had found a 6mm tumor. The first question I asked was "Is it terminal?" He replied that no, it wasn't and that it was treatable. He went on to explain that it was the 2nd most common breast cancer but the difference between ductal and lobular cancer is that lobular forms in the milk lobes and seeds itself into other parts of the breast. I would have to have an MRI to see the tumor more clearly and to see if it had gone into the other breast but I would have to wait until another two weeks at least until I was at the beginning of my cycle to get a correct analysis. In the meantime I was to go and have a chest x-ray and my blood tested which would detect whether the cancer had effected by bones, liver or blood. It was all too much. I just sat staring, unblinking, trying to take everything in. Surely this happens to other people....it can't be real....it can't really be happening to me....But it was!
First visit to the specialist
29th October 2009. I managed to get in to see the breast specialist at Boulcott Breast Clinic quite quickly which was a relief. Within less than a week of ringing for an appointment, I was booked in. When I arrived I had the standard mammogram and whilst I was putting my clothes back on the lady who takes the films came in to the cubicle and informed me that the two doctors had looked at my mammograms and they were fine. Phew....what a relief! We then went through to the specialists rooms and he examined me. He was amazed that I had even noticed the flattening of skin on my breast as it was so slight. He did an ultrasound of the area and discovered a 1 cm shadow just below the dimpling. He wasn't sure what it was but sent me through to another room where the ultrasound equipment was a lot better. The technician who did the ultrasound said that there was a shadow but it didn't look as if it was a mass. She took the film for another specialist to look at who then came in and said that he felt that further investigation was necessary in the way of a core biopsy. They injected my breast to numb the area and proceeded to extract three lots of tissue from the breast by way of an instrument which resembled a six inch nail. It didn't hurt and I could see where the device was entering my breast from the ultrasound screen next to me. It was similar to an ear piercing tool which shoots in and out. After this chain of events I was quite shocked because once again the mammogram had turned up nothing and each one of the specialists had told me that they were sure it wasn't breast cancer but just wanted to be sure. I would have to return to the clinic next Tuesday for my results.
I don't suit hats!!
I don't suit hats!! I never wear hats unless it is extremely hot....or extremely cold....but all that is about to change. Three weeks ago on the 15th October I was getting dressed after having a shower when I glanced in the mirror and noticed a mark on my left breast which looked like a bruise. When I raised my arm the shape of the bruise elongated which I thought was rather strange. Just must be the shadow off of the lighting in our new house, I thought. The next day when I went to work I looked in the mirror in the ladies but couldn't see the mark. When I got home I checked again in my own bathroom mirror......but it was still there!
I had always had trouble with my left boob, as far back as 2005, just before our wedding. I noticed a large lumpy area that appeared out of the blue. Wellington Hospital mammogram came back clear, ultrasound found dense breast tissue and a cyst. Nothing to be concerned about. Then in 2006 I discovered a blood coloured discharge from the same breast and took myself off to the specialist again. Once again, mammogram came back clear and specialist said there was no breast cancer. Turning 45 in 2008 allowed me to start free breast screening so off I went and once again mammogram came back clear. I had done everything in my power for early detection.
I had always had trouble with my left boob, as far back as 2005, just before our wedding. I noticed a large lumpy area that appeared out of the blue. Wellington Hospital mammogram came back clear, ultrasound found dense breast tissue and a cyst. Nothing to be concerned about. Then in 2006 I discovered a blood coloured discharge from the same breast and took myself off to the specialist again. Once again, mammogram came back clear and specialist said there was no breast cancer. Turning 45 in 2008 allowed me to start free breast screening so off I went and once again mammogram came back clear. I had done everything in my power for early detection.
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