A Date I Will Never Forget

Hi everyone. I couldn't let today pass by without a special post. To most it is Melbourne Cup Day but for me it is my 'D' Day - that is 'D' for diagnosis. Yes, two years today is when I became one of the seven woman a day handed a positive test for Breast Cancer. Some days I think where has the time gone and other days it feels like yesterday and it is hard to believe I have come so far.

How easily I have forgotten how rotten I felt whilst enduring chemotherapy and recovering from operations but I haven't forgotten all those people that were there for me and Darren. Supporting us, holding us whilst we howled our eyes out, encouraging us. Those people who gave practical help, taking me to appointments, cooking meals, bringing firewood and moral support. You are all angels in your own way.

I have met some amazing people and through my J'Beanies have made contact with so many more people who are fighting this beast. It has been humbling to be able to give them some support and be a listening ear.

Breast Cancer has changed me in so many ways and I know it's a horrible thing to go through but I think I am a better person after going through this. I look at life through a different pair of glasses now. I no longer sit around waiting for life to happen. I make things happen. I spend less time worrying about the less important things in life; I've stopped stressing over things that can't be changed because I know things will always work out one way or another. I spend more time with the people I love; I am devoting my working life to people who deserve it and not to those who are greedy with their time and money. I want to try new things that I have never done before - so to you Cancer, you may have taken my original breast but you did not take my spirit with it. I have stood up and fought you and you are gone from my life. Now I can move on with the rest of it. God Bless you all. xx

With Spring Comes New Life

I don't seem to be getting to blog much of late which means that I am extremely busy.

I have now changed jobs, Yes AGAIN. I didn't really feel that retail was my thing and felt that I could make a difference in a caring environment. I am now a caregiver. I go out to people's homes who are elderly, ill or have had an accident or operation and I help them with there personal cares, meals, cleaning, shopping, medication etc. I am thoroughly enjoying it. It is such a great feeling to be able to give something back to the community which helped me when I needed it. Having been through the BC journey I feel that I am looking at life from a very different angle. I have never been a money driven person but seemed to always end up working in that sort of environment. Now I finally feel like I am where I belong; to help people, to understand them and to be able to cheer their day. I am looking forward to doing some study to give me a qualification; something that at 48 years old, I have never had the opportunity to obtain.

I had my 2nd monthly checkup at the end of July and am pleased to report that I have a clean bill of health. I also had an ultrasound on my thyroid to keep an eye on things and once again, I have passed with flying colours.

The beanies are starting to get really busy again and I have had people ringing me from different organisations wanting to know how they can purchase them. It is so nice to be able to offer something pretty and practical for ladies going through treatment.

My Wonderful Life

Well finally I am able to find some time and update my blog. I have had it on my "To Do List" for the last couple of months.

As mentioned last time, I celebrated my 48th birthday in February. A few friends and family got together and went out for a lovely meal. For me, and I think a few of my friends, it was more than just a birthday. It was a celebration that I have come through the rough and out the other side and am here to celebrate another birthday. I will never again moan about getting old because quite frankly the alternative to aging is not an option. My daughters bought along a cake ablaze with candles which I quickly had to extinguish as it was creating a terrible hot flush.

Once we had finished at the restaurant we went out to the local bar and had drinks, drinks and drinks and danced the night away into the wee small hours. It was a great night. Bring on the birthdays I say, next big one 50. Party ideas already in the pipeline.

For those that don't know, I have a great new job. I started way back in March in a completely different role. I am working in customer service at our new local DIY warehouse in Paraparaumu. No more sitting behind desks for me. I am on my feet all day and have lost some of the weight that I accumulated during chemo. The position requires me to work every 2nd weekend but that is ok, I'm getting used to it now. Darren and I just make sure that we do something together on my weekends off. They are a really great team to work with and I am even on the Social Club Committee; they should be worried!!!

The beanies have slowed down a little bit but I am thinking that people are probably wearing normal, woolier hats now that we are in winter. I have been networking alot so I have most of the country covered now.

We are beginning to count down the months until our trip to the UK which is happening in April next year. We hope to have a stop over in Dubai as Darren is keen to have a look there and also once we get to England, we hope to go to Paris for a couple of days, which I am excited about.

As promised waaay back in my blog I said I would post a picture of my surgery areas as time goes on and they heal, so here it is. The tummy scar is still quite pink but the breast one is very feint. I still have no feeling in the new breast which I really can't get used to but otherwise I am great. My hair is well on its way to its former length and I have even started using the straighteners on it. My eyelashes still have to sort themselves out. Apparently it takes a while for them to resume their normal cycle of renewing themselves so every now and again I have patches where the new little lashes are pushing out the older longer ones, which creates an interesting look.



So all in all, life is great. I have had a new lease on life and am loving every minute of it.

All Done and Dusted

Firstly, a very belated happy new year to you all. Gosh, I knew I was a bit behind with my posting but didn't realise just how much.

Life has been so very busy, what with Xmas and New Year and all the birthdays following that.

Well I have been into hospital and had my thyroid operation. This took place on the 10th January and all went well. I was actually more worried about having this operation than I was any of the others. I think because the operation was going to take place very close to my face and there was a risk that my voice would be changed to a husky, quiet voice if things didn't go that well.
I was releived when I came out of the anaesthetic that my voice was still all intact. It has changed slightly in the fact that I can no longer speak in high tones or sing high notes (well, I couldn't to start with, so nothing lost there). With regards to getting out the cancer, the surgeon advised me at my check up two weeks afterwards that if we had left the surgey any longer, we would have been in real trouble because it would've most likely have gone into my windpipe and then my voice would have been dramatically changed, so hallelujah to that. There was no need to take the whole thyroid, just the side the growth was in, so I am very releived about that as if I had had a total thyroidectomy I would have to be on medication for the rest of my life which I wasn't keen on. The scar is healing up nicely and was cut in the crease of my neck so in a year it won't be visible at all.

On the 29th January I had my first check up with the breast surgeon, Dr Burton King. I was very nervous about this as I knew he would be doing an ultrasound on the reconstructed breast and the other one. Well I needn't have worried as everything is fine, there was nothing detected. I also had a routine mammogram on Monday of this week so a close eye is being kept on me. Not that there needs to be but it is comforting to know that I am being looked after and if there does happen to be a recurrence, then they will be onto it pretty darn quickly.

Well, I have started on my two year course of Tamoxifen (Estrogen blocker)and I must say the hot flushes are not pleasant at all, especially when I am trying to apply make-up and it is running off as fast as I am putting it on. But that is a small price to pay if it is going to help keep me in good health.

I have a new saying (which I read somewhere) It says "Don't wait until death looks you in the face, to start living your life" so I have taken notice and am living life to the full.

I have a lot of my energy back now and have started exercising again and eating healthy. My hair is a couple of inches long and you would never know of the ravages it has been through. My eyelashes had grown back nice and thick but I noticed in the last couple of days that they are thinning out again so I Dr Googled it and apparently that is quite normal after chemo. The eyelashes take time to regain their renewal cycle.

My beanies are going extemely well, although that's a really sad thing as it means more people are requiring chemo. Some people have bought them and then come back to me for more so I must be doing something right. I have met lots of lovely people through the beanies, some of which have really sad stories to tell but I accept that if I want to continue to make the beanies, then I will hear stories both good and not so good. It just feels good to be able to provide something nice for people and also to give them a little support where I can even if it is just a listening ear.

Next time I will post about my birthday and put up some more pics.
Ciao

Happy Boob Day To Me

Yesterday was officially the first day of summer. Apart from that the date passed insignificantly. I wasn't until I got home from work that I got a text from my friend in Nelson. If you have been reading my blog from Day 1, you will remember that I struck up a friendship through the Trade Me message board with a lovely lady called Brenda who was diagnosed the same day. Well, she text me to remind me that it was a year ago that we had our mastectomies. Gosh I hadn't even given it a thought. How ironic is that though, that yesterday I posted off my wig to a lady in Auckland, who bought my wig from me off of Trade Me.

So we have come full circle and are back to where we started a year ago, minus the cancer, but with a new lease on life!

Everybody Has A Story To Tell

Last Saturday I went to the hairdressers to have a colour put through my hair to cover the 'ahem' grey ones.

My usual hairdresser put the colour through and when it was ready to be rinsed off, a pretty young hairdresser, probably in her early twenties, took me over to the basin and rinsed out the colour. She asked me if I was having it cut and I said no, as there isn't much to cut off as I am waiting for it to grow back after losing it all.

I sat down in front of the mirror and she asked me when I had finished treatment. I told her that I had finished about 8 weeks ago. She then went on to say that she knew exactly what I was going through as she had been through it with her mother. I asked her if her mothers cancer was breast and she said yes it was. She then added that she had died in March of this year after battling it was 12 years. I felt kind of guilty for sitting there having beaten this horrible thing. She went on chatting about her mum and what a strong woman she had been and that she was so well and then she just lapsed into a coma one day and was gone. When she had finished we went up to the counter to pay and I said that it was probably going to be very hard this first Christmas without her mum and she said yes, especially for her dad. I had tears in my eyes for this poor family who had been through so much. When she saw that I was upset for them she then came around to my side of the counter and she gave me a big hug. I went out to my car and just sat and cried. I cried for the young girl who would need her mum throughout her life but wouldn't have her here to share Christmases,her engagement and wedding, the birth of her children and because I have daughters roughly around the same age, this could so easily have been the outcome for them.

So, yes, everyone has their own story that we are not even aware of; a workmate, a friend of a friend, it may be the lady who runs the local shop, someone you end up sitting next to on a bus - the connection and unspoken understanding is instant.

The next day I had agreed to meet up at a cafe in Wellington with a lady who was doing a study through university. She wanted to talk to me about my experience especially the services and care that I had received during my illness. Her last question asked me if I wanted to add anything else about my experience. I started to tell her about the unity amongst patients, family and friends of breast cancer patients. I started to tell her about the lovely girl at the hairdressers and the next thing I knew I was sobbing my heart out again....I didn't realise it had affected me so deeply. I looked up after trying to wipe my tears away (in a very public place) and noticed my survey lady was also wiping her eyes.

As I am relaying all this to you, I can feel a lump in my throat and my tears start to well up again. This is a cruel, horrible illness that robs the life of mothers, grandmothers, daughters,sisters, aunties,neices and friends alike. Let's hope they find a cure soon.

Thyroid Update

Last Thursday I had an appointment with my new elected surgeon to discuss what we are going to do about the growth in my thyroid.

After looking at the CT scans of my neck and discussions with the pathologist who did the Fine Needle Aspiration on the 'lump', they are not entirely sure that the growth is in fact cancerous. The main concern the surgeon has for me, is that I have had three surgical proceedures in the last 12 months and he doesn't want to do a forth operation if I don't really need to have it. In his own words he explained that in USA there has been a high increase of people thought to have thyroid cancer. They have had their 'thyroids' ripped out only to discover from tests post-surgery, that they didn't actually have thyroid cancer. There is a 10 mm calcification on my thyroid, there is no doubt about it but it has been there for at least 15 months to my knowledge. If it is malignant, it is not life threatening and has not spread anywhere else. Another reason is that if they take out the thyroid, then I will have to be on thyroid meds for the rest of my life. If the para-thyroids (little glands behind the thyroid)also get taken in the surgery, then I will have to be on calcium for life as well. I'm not too keen on taking any meds at this stage as I will be taking tamoxifen (to prohibit the growth of breast cancer) for the next five years. He said that I am a difficult case (I could have told him that) and he is going to meet with the medical board to get their opinion on what we should do. One option is to monitor it regularly and if it starts to grow, then perhaps look at surgey then. There is no need to rush into anything so I don't see him now for three months which I am pleased about.

As promised, here is my new nipple tatto. I'm not entirely pleased with it as it is a bit on the orange side and slightly too big but I guess it looks ok from a distance. Probably not going to be doing too much nude sunbathing in the future anyhow. They wait until the body is warm and they take the measurement from the areola. I can't see the sense in that logic really because if you've got your clothes off, nine times out of ten you are going to be cold, so therefore they should have taken the measurement whilst the body temperature was lower, if you get my drift.