Everybody Has A Story To Tell

Last Saturday I went to the hairdressers to have a colour put through my hair to cover the 'ahem' grey ones.

My usual hairdresser put the colour through and when it was ready to be rinsed off, a pretty young hairdresser, probably in her early twenties, took me over to the basin and rinsed out the colour. She asked me if I was having it cut and I said no, as there isn't much to cut off as I am waiting for it to grow back after losing it all.

I sat down in front of the mirror and she asked me when I had finished treatment. I told her that I had finished about 8 weeks ago. She then went on to say that she knew exactly what I was going through as she had been through it with her mother. I asked her if her mothers cancer was breast and she said yes it was. She then added that she had died in March of this year after battling it was 12 years. I felt kind of guilty for sitting there having beaten this horrible thing. She went on chatting about her mum and what a strong woman she had been and that she was so well and then she just lapsed into a coma one day and was gone. When she had finished we went up to the counter to pay and I said that it was probably going to be very hard this first Christmas without her mum and she said yes, especially for her dad. I had tears in my eyes for this poor family who had been through so much. When she saw that I was upset for them she then came around to my side of the counter and she gave me a big hug. I went out to my car and just sat and cried. I cried for the young girl who would need her mum throughout her life but wouldn't have her here to share Christmases,her engagement and wedding, the birth of her children and because I have daughters roughly around the same age, this could so easily have been the outcome for them.

So, yes, everyone has their own story that we are not even aware of; a workmate, a friend of a friend, it may be the lady who runs the local shop, someone you end up sitting next to on a bus - the connection and unspoken understanding is instant.

The next day I had agreed to meet up at a cafe in Wellington with a lady who was doing a study through university. She wanted to talk to me about my experience especially the services and care that I had received during my illness. Her last question asked me if I wanted to add anything else about my experience. I started to tell her about the unity amongst patients, family and friends of breast cancer patients. I started to tell her about the lovely girl at the hairdressers and the next thing I knew I was sobbing my heart out again....I didn't realise it had affected me so deeply. I looked up after trying to wipe my tears away (in a very public place) and noticed my survey lady was also wiping her eyes.

As I am relaying all this to you, I can feel a lump in my throat and my tears start to well up again. This is a cruel, horrible illness that robs the life of mothers, grandmothers, daughters,sisters, aunties,neices and friends alike. Let's hope they find a cure soon.

A Few Things To Think About

I had trouble coming up with a title for this post but then when I thought back over the last couple of weeks this title caps it all off nicely.

Over the last month I have been doing quite a lot of brainstorming and networking to get JBeanies out there. I have brochures in various clinics around the lower north island and a couple of Cancer Societies are coming on board and putting the word out there about my product. One branch has ordered a dozen straight off; so I am really pleased about that. One lady who bought a beanie a few weeks back, suggested to me that I should make gardening sleeves (which she had seen on Good Morning whilst she was waiting in reception at chemo). She thought that they would be ideal for women like ourselves who have had lymph nodes removed through surgery and have to go to great lengths to protect the limb from cuts, scratches, insect bites and sunburn whilst working outside. So I have taken that on board and have made some of these and intend selling them though my JBeanies website, once I have photographed them. Of course once I decided to make them I had to think up a name for them and came up with Green Sleeves! Pretty cool eh!

I am done with my wig. I don't wear it if I can help it. I even treated myself to a nice new hat last week. My hair is getting thicker (not thick enough to go without a hat though) and my eyelashes are growing back.

Well, last week's chemo was number 11. This last regime has gone really fast for me, although I will be releived when it is finished with. I am starting to get really tired now as the district nurse predicted I would. My bones ache (which is another side effect) but then that could be old age creeping in, not just the chemo. I suppose after having chemo for the last six months, it is starting to take its toll. The travelling in and out to Wellington once a week is also quite tiring; well not so much the chemo itself, but the looking round the shops afterwards. Monday and Tuesday nights I am tucked up in bed by 7.30.

As I sat having my infusion last week I looked around at the other people there, all for the same reason. In this room it doesn't matter if you are young or old, black or white, rich or poor, highly successful or unemployed, male or female. Cancer does not discriminate! It can effect anybody. And you know what? We all probably thought that Cancer is what happens to somebody else. And here we all are....the somebody elses. Then I see and talk to people who have it real bad but you would never know by their great attitudes and positive spirit. I look at other people who look really sick and hope beyond hope that my monster has gone. Never to return. When I walk out of the clinic after my last infusion next week, I hope I never have to go back for chemo ever!

Half Way There

I had my sixth lot of paclitaxel yesterday....goodness me, the time is flying with this. Everything is going really well with it and have no side effects. The chemo nurses call me a little star because of this. The only problem occuring is that by this stage in the treatment, the veins in my hand know what is coming every week and are starting to shrink away from the needle. On the fifth session, the veins were not behaving and I had to have one inserted closer up the hand by the wrist bone.....boy did that make my eyes water. This time they tried another one but with no success so they had to go in by the wrist again. If these naughty veins don't get their act together I will have to have a PIC line put in which is a long tube down the vein of my arm which is ultrasound guided. This will have to stay in place until my treatment is finished. Another method is to have a port-a-cath inserted in my chest which is put in under general anaesthetic, hhhhmmm not to keen on being put out again, so we will just have to see how it goes.

Other than that, life has been quite busy. I have been making beanies flat out and getting in touch with different agencies who may like to help me market them. For the link to my website, click on the JBeanies tab at the top of the page.

I had my new nipple created a few weeks ago. Once my dressings are off I will be posting about that and putting up photos for those that are interested.

So I am now half way through the paclitaxel and have half a new nipple. Good things certainly do take time.