First Post-Op Visit to Specialist

I had my first post-op visit with the  breast specialist who performed the mastectomy today.  I was a bit nervous as the pathologist results would be explained to me.  They thought originally that it was three smaller sized tumors but on investigation it was one complete 4.5 cm mass with 3 peaks.  It had been growing for about 3-4 years and I had felt nothing different.....scarey eh?  Lots of good things came out of today. One was that it wasn't close to my chest wall as first thought and secondly because of that reason and because all 13 lymph nodes were clear it means that I don't have to have radiation. I'm pretty pleased about that because I wasn't sure how I was going to handle going to work and going into Wellington Hospital every day for 5 weeks.  It would have been pretty tiring.  I do still have to have chemo but only 4 treatments once every three weeks and yes, I will unfortunately be a baldy.  Without having the radiation, it means I will get my new body quicker too.  The one annoying thing is though, they didn't do the reconstruction straight away because it would get ruined with the radiation. So because I don't need radiation now, I could have had it done all at the same time.  Never mind!

On No, My Eyelashes!

14th November 2009.

Isn't it strange that I always thought that if I was diagnosed with something like this, I would fall to pieces.  When people hear the word cancer they automatically think 'death sentence'. In the last week or so I have gained this incredible strength that I didn't know I had. I don't think of myself as having cancer. I refuse at this stage to think too hard about the seriousness of it all, instead place my faith in what the doctors tell me. In my mind I have something in my breast which does not belong there. The doctors are going to remove it, I will have the chemo and radiation and I will be ok.  This tumor is slow growing and the survival rates are good. I will be one of those survivors! I don't have a choice because my life is just starting and I ain't giving it up for anything!  I want to grow old and be one of those old people in the supermarket who holds everyone up and pisses people off.  My nurse Robin has told me that there is a very small window of hope that I may not need chemo....that would be blessing but as for now we will assume that I will have to order the works combo, chemo, radiation and five years of pill popping to keep the pest at bay.  I think it is all to do with whether they find any cells in the lymph nodes which they will take out during surgery. The nodes are discected and the results aren't known until 10 days after surgery.  I'm not too phased at this point to be losing a boobie, I have started looking at wigs.  I pencil my eyebrows now, so once those go I can replace those but.......noooooo, not my eyelashes.  I don't leave the house without mascara on, where I am going to put it now?  Others say, think of the savings, no shampoo, hairstyling products, razors, waxes, even a free brazillian.   All good I suppose but I don't plan on wearing a bikini just yet. I feel a sense of bravado at the moment about the hair but I'm sure when the time comes I'm not going to be overjoyed.  So as to save blocking up the drains and making more work for Darren, I have had my lovely locks cut as short as possible, therefore hopefully making the transition a bit more 'unshocking'.