Birthday Blessings

6th February 2010

It was my 47th birthday on Saturday and my daughter Nicole told me that her and Kelsey were going to take me out for lunch.  We got ready and set off (albeit 20 minutes late) to Ambience. It was a boiling hot day, the markets were on and there people everywhere.  It was safe to say that I couldn't find a car park anywhere. We eventually found a park and feeling somewhat hot and flustered we walked into the cafe. As we stood at the counter I looked around and saw one of my friends sitting at a table.  I thought that was strange as I had only spoken to her yesterday and she hadn't mentioned that she was going out to lunch. Then as I looked around at the other ladies one by one I realised that my daughters had invited some of my good friends and my mother-in-law as a surprise.  And that it was!  We had a lovely afternoon together and I am so blessed to have friends and family who care so much.

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

The thing that I have discovered mostly since the beginning of this journey is that everything associated with it involves waiting.  Now some people who know me say that I am a patient person but I beg to differ. Every process involves waiting; waiting for appointments, waiting for tests, waiting for the results, waiting to be referred to someone else. Then back you go to square one and start all over again. I am one of the lucky ones because most of my procedures are being done privately except for the chemotherapy.

14th February 2010

On Wednesday I had the pleasure of going to Wellington Public Hospital. (Previous post readers will know how I feel about that place).  Suffice to say, I was seen to a lot quicker this time round. I was booked in for a CT scan at 8.30am.  This test is done as a matter of course just to make sure there is nothing anywhere else they should know about. So the previous night I had to drink a solution of Losec which lines the stomach.  The following morning I wasn't allowed any breakfast and had to drink two more lots of Losec one hour apart before we left and on the way in to the hospital.  Yup, it's great being stuck in early morning traffic with a full bladder.

Once I got to Radiology I had to have, yup you've guessed it, another drink of Losec. This is given before they put dye into my body so that the dye shows up.  The nurse then put a line into my vein so that they could administer the dye.  Once I start chemotherapy I shall be having a larger one of these,  (called a PICC line) in my vein for the entire six months where the chemotherapy drug will be administered.

Once the preliminaries were done I went through to the CT scan machine.  You lay on the bed and the bed raises up and passes the area to be scanned backwards and forwards through the hole where the cameras are. It takes about half an hour. The nurse told me that once the dye was injected I would feel a warmth all over my body and would feel a sensation like I had wet my pants, when actually I hadn't.  Very weird, I must say.

Once I had finished there I had to go and have my MUGA scan which is a moving picture of my heart function.

Firstly I had to have some metal injected into my hand and then had to wait half an hour for it to work it's way to my heart.  Once it had done that I had some radioactive liquid injected into my vein via the line in my arm.  The nurse informed me that I would be radioactive for 12 hours afterwards and to stay away from pregnant women and children. 

The MUGA machine was set up similar to the CT scan only the camera was on the left had side of me  and they lowered it down over my heart area.  I had to lay still for 30 minutes.  Once that was done I was free to go. Who would have thought that the waiting room would have been so full of children so needless to say we didn't hang around.

I had found out the day before that my chemotherapy isn't booked to start until March 18th.   Another wait.  My oncologist had said last week when I met him that I could go ahead and have my reconstruction before starting chemo if I wish as I don't have to have radiation treatment. So I made an appointment later in the day with my plastic surgeon and that's what we have decided to do.  I am booked in to have the first part done on the 3rd March. It involves a night hospital stay where they will score the skin on my abdomen to encourage the blood vessels to that area.  They will cover it will plastic dressing and I will go home for a week. Then on the following Wednesday (10th March) I go back into surgery.  They will take the fat and skin from my stomach and push it up under my skin and into the pocket of stretched skin, to form the new breast. They will then sew up my tummy and create a new belly button as the one I've got now will be pulled down low and will look strange. I will be in hospital for 7 days as this is quite a biggie but will be well worth it.  I have just about had enough of the skin expander as there are some sharp corners on it pushing my skin out from the inside so it will be good to have that gone.   I will be off work for six weeks this time.  Then after that I just have the chemotherapy to go and I shall be as good as new one!

First Visit To The Oncologist

Darren and I went to Kenepuru Hospital today to meet with Professor Rudstone to discuss my options for treatment.  He has just arrived out here from the UK and what a lovely man he is.  He is somebody that I would love to have as a grandfather.  Before we met him I had pre-conceived that he would be a stuffy, suited man but he was nothing like that at all.  As he explained things to us he would every now and again pat my hand or touch my arm in a reassuring and caring manner and call me dear.  He ran through everything and explained what each method of treatment would offer me, in the way of a graph.  He said if I were to decide not to have any treatments, my chances of another ten years would be 74%.  If I were to chose to have chemotheraphy only then my chances increase to 84%. If I chose to have chemotheraphy and then take hormonal therapy for 5 years afterwards then my chances increase to 88%. The tumor was eostrogen receptive which means it relies on eostrogen to grow.  By taking the hormone therapy, tamoxofin, which removes the eostrogen from my body, the tumor has less chance of coming back. The drawback of this of course is that it will throw me into the change of life. Marvellous!!

So I say, give me the works.

I initially was told that I would only have to have four sessions every three weeks by my surgeon but Profressor Rudstone is recommending that I have four sessions of the first drug and then after that, administering the second lighter drug once every week for twelve weeks.  The second one probably won't have much of a side effect because it will be given in a weaker dose but more frequent.

They will insert a pic line into my vein which will stay in until my therapy is done with.  I will have to have my blood tested each time before each session to make sure I am not anaemic and also to keep an eye on my platelets. This basically means that if the platelets are low and I cut myself, my blood won't clot. (Hmm better watch out for those paper cuts at work).  Another worrying thing is that if I get an infection I have to be admitted to hospital straight away (I told him that won't be happening because there is no way I'm going back into Wellington public).  He then informed me that, "you will have no choice dear because an untreated infection in someone having chemotherapy will kill you in two days". Oh shit!!

I had an ECG taken right there and then to see that my heart is in good nick. Apart from it being broken a few times, it seems to be alright on the printout.  They have to keep an eye on my heart because sometimes the chemotherapy drug can damage it.  Oh, the joys!!  For this reason I also have to have a MUGA scan which makes a movie of my heart moving and to assess whether there is any damage before they start the chemo. I will probably have my first shot late next week.

They also are going to book me in for a CT scan to photograph my whole body to make sure that the little blighter hasn't seeded itself anywhere else.  I was under the impression that if the lymph nodes were clear then  it hadn't gone anywhere else but that is not the case.

I drove home feeling angry, for the first time since my diagnoses. I felt really brassed off that I will have to have six months of chemo instead of three and every week for the last three months at that. I drove along Paekakariki water front and as I got towards the end of the stretch I noticed all the cars up ahead were slowing down.  Great, I thought, roadworks or worse still, an accident. I noticed lots of cars in the carpark and people taking photos and as I looked out over the water (which by the way, was a beautiful greeny blue, greener than I'd ever seen it) I saw a pod of orchas coming out of the water as they made their way southwards. Up ahead, the whole line of traffic had slowed right down as people watched nature in all its glory.  Not one driver tooted or became full of road rage from being forced to drive slow.  It was this beautiful site that made me say 'Wow' out loud to myself and my anger disappeared.  What is worse? Six months of not feeling 100% or only having six months left?  What is six months of therapy compared to surviving and living a long and healthy life to enjoy moments such as these!

The New Old Me Unfolds

Had a busy day yesterday and got a few things acheived.  First up was another saline top up at the plastic surgeons.  I told him that last time it felt quite tight and hot and quite painful so he put in a smaller amount of saline this time. When he pokes the needle in feels very strange because my breast is numb but he said that I will get feeling back in it eventually. I am still a bit swollen under my arm and also there are some numb spots there and at a the top of my arm.  When I got home, I cut the underwire out of the left side of my 'normal' bras and so am wearing my pretty underwire for the first time in weeks.  Don't know if I'm allowed to do that or not but anyway I have.

Secondly, I met a wonderful lady at Image Works by the name of Leigh Renai.  She is a fantastic lady who also runs 'Look Good Feel Better'.  She tried different wigs on me and I ended up not getting the one as pictured previously; instead I got one that is very similar to my hairstyle that I had before I had a fit of madness and cut mine short.   The wig is brown  with honey highlights and she said the first time I wear I will feel like I'm walking down the street in my underwear with all eyes on me. A funny trick is to rub Bonjella on my nude nut so that it goes numb and I won't feel the weight of the wig for the first time out.

She also makes 'sleeping beanies' to keep the head warm at night (not that I will need that at the moment.)  I chose mine which is thin blue and purple stripes.  Yeah, 'talk about sex on a stick', not!! She also advised me to take it with me where-ever I go once I start chemo because when my hair falls out it won't be a gradual process, it will fall quite rapidly.  I will have to watch out for strays in my coffee or I will be coughing up furballs.  Once it starts going I will get Darren to shave it all off.  Keep tuned in for pics of that when it happens.

I received my eyebrow kit last week and couldn't wait to rush home and try it out.
Because I have still got my eyebrows I had to practise on my forhead.  Will take a few goes to master this, I'm sure.  Thank goodness no-one came to the door whilst I had two sets of eyebrows on;   and NO I won't be putting pictures of that first attempt up for those that want a giggle.   I text my friend in Greymouth and told her that I now had a third eyebrow. She text back and said, hmm, one boob and three eyebrows.....does your husband know what a unique wife he has?  Unique is not the word for it!! Till next time my friends.

Back to Normality

Well, I haven't blogged for ages because there hasn't been anything to blog about.  Life is pretty much back to normal with the Xmas break and everything so we have been enjoying time doing 'normal' stuff.  Darren even took me shopping at Westfield over the holiday break!!!!  We had a beautiful Xmas day with Darrens' parents (who unfortunately spent Xmas morning at the doctors with his dad having a sore eye where a leaf had flown into it whilst weedeating), my mother and brother and my daughters and daughter's partner. They all come to us and each brought a main and desert...it was awesome.  My youngest daughter came up from Wellington and stayed Xmas eve. My most favourite moment of the day was preparing the salads and fruit salads with her on Xmas morning....just her and me chatting away...we had never done that before...it was great.  My eldest daughter Nicole bought all the decorations around for the tables, even the paper lanterns and she had made an awesome ice table centrepiece with pohutakawa flowers embedded in the ice. Amongst my gifts from my daughters were a set of multi-coloured false eye lashes and a wig...see pic.  Don't really think it's my style but thanks anyway.

Still have had no news about when my chemotherapy is going to start so I am going to return to work starting for two days next week and gradually increasing it by a day every week just to ease myself into it and to allow some days off for when chemo starts. I have chosen a wig and am just waiting to hear back from the lady regarding this.

  It is great that the Health Department give you a grant of $600  towards your head coverings.  They also give you a grant of $200 towards special mastectomy bras.  I have opted not to purchase these at a $100 a pop as they are ugly!!

I am looking forward to doing the 'Look Good Feel Better' course which starts in February. It is a workshop designed for women who have hair loss and it shows them how to apply makeup and how to look after their skin whilst undertaking chemo. It should be interesting and apparently you get lots of free make-up and products.

I have also found a company on the net in Australia called Create A Brow which sell kits which consist of a stencil and powder so that you can create fake eyebrows that don't look painted on so am keen to send away for some of that.

Free For Christmas

Nothing much to report really; the Nurse came and took out my last drain today so I'm pretty happy about that.  It's been over three weeks now I have been carrying these things around with me and now they have gone just in
time for Xmas.  I am now wearing a soft sports bra with a slight padding on the left side, so am able to go out in public quite confidently. The saline that they have put in, even though it was only 60 mls, is causing the fake boobie to feel quite tight as it stretching the skin.  I'm glad I have opted for a TRAM flap and not a silicone implant as it feels quite horrible having something foreign in my body. I'm looking forward to Xmas Day tomorrow.  Everyone is coming to our house and bringing some food so it should be a great day.

Eat Ya Heart Out Pamela Anderson

Had another visit to plastic surgeon's rooms today.  Still have to keep my blessed drain in, it's been 3 weeks now and I'm over it.  Luckily he has said that the District Nurse can remove it on Thursday so I won't still have it at  Christmas.  He removed the tape covering my scar and I was amazed how the scar is not as visible as I thought. I had the first inflation with the saline today. I think I have to have about three all up.  He put a butterfly shaped piece of plastic with a needle in the middle through my breast skin and into the port of the skin expander bag, then he filled it up with 60mls of saline.  What a weird thing!! One side of me looks like Pamela Anderson at puberty, the other side doesn't.  The new fake breast feels slightly firmer than the norm but it is also very round. I never knew about the wonders of modern medical science until all this happened to me; it is fascinating!