Living The Dream

Just a quick post to keep you up to date with what I'm up to.  I have been on the Gold Coast now for three and a half months.  I can't say that it has been easy but everyone says the first six months are the hardest.  I have had to put up with psycho flat mates, being sold a car that wasn't roadworthy, applying for hundreds of jobs and not hearing anything back, having my car attacked and then haven't it blow up on me.....but I am still here and healthy. I have put myself through a course to gain my Certificate in Aged and Disablity Care and  I am extremely lucky that I have secured a job at the Gold Coast Hospital.  I am doing a mixture of office administration and Assistant in Nursing.  The pay is very good, earning in a fortnight what I would make in a month in New Zealand.  I am making lots of new friends, both New Zealanders and Australians. The shopping is amazing, the weather is beautiful and there is always lots to see and do. The only thing that could make it more perfect would be to have my family join me; one day perhaps they will. xx

My Last Update From New Zealand

Well, what an interesting six months, some highs, some lows but pushing on. So, we shall start from where we left off.

Last post I wrote about my new start across the Tasman, well it is all about to happen.  My flight is booked for Saturday 1st June. At the moment it all seems pretty surreal but as the day gets closer and my flat gets emptier, I'm sure it will feel like it is all really happening.

In February I turned the Big Five O. I celebrated by returning back to the Gold Coast to stay with a friend and got to see a bit more of the area.  Once I returned home my close friends and family helped me celebrate by having a lovely meal together. It was great to have both my daughters there with me.

Phew! I made it to 50

My daughters

 Friends

Back in March, the very first Relay for Life in Kapiti was held in Paraparaumu.  I asked my workmates to become involved and we put a team together and entered as the 'Norty Noshers'.   Organising this was quite a big thing for me to take on and if it wasn't for the help of my boss, I don't think I could have done it.  We had to raise funds for the Cancer Society and decided to hold a Pub Quiz night at one of the local bars. I approached different businesses in the area and asked for donations of items for prizes.  As well as raising money through holding the Quiz Night, we also held a number of raffles and bingo between sets of questions.  All in all we raised $1000 towards our goal. 

It was an honour to be part of the first Relay in Kapiti and there were many poignant moments, one especially for me was the Candlelight Ceremony where candlelit bags were placed around the relay track in memory of all those who had passed from cancer.  It really brought it home as to how many people this disease affects, and those are just the people in our area who were at Relay.

Our theme was nurses and we decorated our tent complete with X-rays and an inflatable patient. As the photos show, it was a great weekend and a great team building experience. The relay raised almost $91,000 to be used to support people in our own area.  My workmates are already looking forward to putting in a team next year.

Our 'hospital' all set up

Our 'Norty Noshers' Team

The 'Survivors' in our team

With my daughter Nicole just before the Survivors Lap opening

My candle bag in memory of a very dear friend

Snuggling in for the night and waiting to walk

We made it!

 The Kapiti Relay For Life banner.   

 If you look closely you can see my contribution - the orca painted just below Kapiti Island.

Back in August of last year applied for my New Zealand citizenship. It has all been a long process really.  I was finally awarded citizenship just before Christmas but in order for it to be come official, I had to wait for a ceremony where I would take my Oath of Allegiance. This would then allow me to apply for my New Zealand Passport.    My ceremony was in April and it was a lovely evening. My daughters and close friend attended the ceremony and then we joined some more friends with a celebratory drink.

The Official Ceremony

My beautiful daughters

Friends, Sue and Mal

My very good friend Sophie

Karen and George 

So, there we have it, the last six months in a nutshell. Another Christmas has come and gone, another New Year's Eve celebrated. I have passed another six month checkup with flying colours and my surgeon has discharged me from his care. This is not to say that I won't be vigilant in making sure I carry on with my regular check ups once I settle in Australia.

To all of the lovely ladies out there who read my blog and who have either been recently diagnosed, are going through treatment or those who have fought back and won, there is life after all of the struggling. Yes, it is always in the back of your mind that it may return but each day is worth celebrating and deserves to be lived to the full.

The Casualties of Breast Cancer

Hi everyone in blogland,
It has been a very, very long time since I have blogged so go make yourself a cup of tea and settle in for the long haul.

Isn't it strange how life never turns out how we imagine (and hope) it will.  Sometimes that can be a good thing and sometimes not so good.  I had visions of passing away from Cancer before my 50th birthday...well that is only ten weeks away and I am still here alive and kicking, so that definitely is a good thing. What I did not imagine is that my husband would end our marriage and blame it on the cancer.

At the last post I wrote that we were heading off to Rarotonga for a well deserved holiday. It did not go as I imagined...I felt something was wrong but could not put my finger on it. Things were strained and we may as well have been flat mates on holiday together.  A week after being home things happened very fast. Exactly one week after our holiday my husband told me that he didn't want to be married to me anymore and stated the reason was that with the cancer and everything we had been through together, he had nothing more to give. I was shocked. Within two weeks the marital property was divided and I moved out of the home, leaving behind my husband, home, security, my future and my darling puppy Tyson. I lived in disbelief for months but buried it deep inside so that I could continue to function and carry on with everyday life as best I could.

Of course the question was on everyone's lips....was there another woman as generally is the case as 9 times out of 10 men won't leave a relationship until there is a new woman to replace the previous. Like a fool I believed him when he said there wasn't but two weeks later I found out that it wasn't the case at all. I was devastated.  How could I have been cast off so quickly and forgotten about. After all that we have been through, I had survived two lots of cancer only to have my marriage crumble.

This all happened the very same week that my beautiful daughter Nicole was graduating from university. I could not afford to lose control. Looking back on it all now, I don't know how I made it through but I did. Never underestimate what a cancer survivor is capable of. I knew I would get through it. I read a poster that said 'If you are going through hell, keep going' so I did.

The toughest time I think was in August when my six monthly check ups for breast and thyroid fell due. Not only was I scared of the breast cancer reoccurring but if I was to need more treatment I would have no husband to help me through it. It was a very scary feeling.  I was worrying about nothing though as far as the breast screening went....all came up clear, praise the lord. My ultrasound on my thyroid detected some changes in some nodules so I did have to go and have a fine needle aspiration on my remaining thyroid which came back clear as well.

One of the things I have always wanted to have done is to have my front teeth straightened so for all that I had been through in the past months, I decided I would go ahead and get them done.  I have had veneers added to three front teeth and have had a tooth removed which was very discoloured and crooked. I have a partial denture which is temporary until I can have my bridge work completed just prior to Xmas.


So, once I started healing from the marriage breakup I started to once again look forward. That on it's own raised a whole new set of questions surrounding breast cancer and what it had done to my body.
Would I find a man who would still find me attractive?
How would I feel about getting undressed in front of a new partner?
Would my partner be repulsed by my scars and strange breast and nipple?
Would my partner want to risk having feelings for someone who may become sick again?
Would a new partner support me if I were to become sick again or would he leave?

I had never had to worry about all these issues as my husband had taken the journey with me and was used to the new me. I guess if a new partner is worth it, he will love me for me regardless.


I had also decided once my marriage was over that I would go to the Gold Coast to live as I have always had a yearning to live in Australia. In October I spent eight days there to find out which part I would be most keen to live in.  This was my first flight that I have ever taken by myself so I was a little nervous.  I travelled to Brisbane firstly and as I made my way to my hotel I could not believe that I was really in another country all on my own. It was liberating. I then went down to Broadbeach and Surfers Paradise for two days and then on down to Kirra and Coollangatta. The day before I flew home, I returned back to Surfers Paradise and spent some time looking around the neighbourhood.  I had a wonderful time and am going back in February for four days to celebrate by 50th birthday over there.

Self-portrait just before going out on the town

All going well I plan to make the move over to the Gold Coast sometime in the first half of 2013. It will be a new start for me:  Where I live is full of memories, it is where I had cancer, it is where my marriage broke up, it is where my home that I no longer live in is situated. I will move on and  leave the past behind.

Celebrate, Remember, Fight Back

Hi everyone, well it's been almost five months since I have blogged.   Life has once again become busy as I'm sure it is for all of us.  I have since had two changes in employment since last posting.  As you know I was working for Healthcare NZ doing support work in the Paraparaumu area.  I got to meet lots of people and it was great to be able to give back to other people who needed assistance.  Unfortunately the company I was working for lost the District Health Board contract to supply these services so 170 support workers were allocated out to work for either Presbyterian Support Services or Access.  I was employed by PSS.  That is when things started to go downhill workwise.  My hours began to dwindle from 32 hours a week and were floating around the 19 hours per week mark.  It became very stressful for me to not be able to bring in a decent wage.  They were a difficult to company to work for, never being able to contact managers etc etc.  I decided that I need to get away from there so I emailed a few rest homes in our area to enquire about employment.  Safe to say I am now working with a lovely bunch of people at the Kapiti Rest Home on Paraparaumu Beach.  I do a little bit of Diversional Therapy but mostly caregiving.....and I am loving it.  It is the perfect job for me!  It has taken a while for me to fit into a job so perfectly but I can see a long and happy employment where I am.

My third six monthly check-up rolled around in February.  As you can envisage, this is quite a stressful time for me and about six weeks before the appointment I do start to become anxious that all is not well.  Well, again, I needn't have worried.  Mammogram and ultrasound have come back clear again.  I have one more six weekly check up in August and then move onto yearly checks, so that is great to have come so far.

At the end of March I took part in the Cancer Society's Relay for Life 2012. www.relayforlife.org.nz/ It was held at Frank Kitts Park in Wellington and 2500 people took part.   I participated as a Survivor and got to wear a red sash to show my journey.  I took with me my husband Darren,  daughter Nicole and very good friend and supporter Sophie who got to wear green sashes to show that they played a huge part in caring for me throughout my illness.  It was a beautiful day in Wellington as the sun shone over everyone taking part.  We were invited to the survivors tent for afternoon tea and then we attended the official opening. At 4.00pm the survivors and their carers had the privilege of opening the ceremony by doing a survivors lap which was  lead by a group of drummers; it was quite an emotional experience.  As I walked I felt jubilant that I could take part as a survivor so that was a celebration in itself.  It was wonderful to see so many survivors banded together (and that is just in the Wellington area) who have fought the battle and won. I also remembered my friend Brenda from Greymouth who was diagnosed the same day as me who sadly didn't make it.  I shed tears for her. And most of all it was great to see so many people, young, old, rich, poor, black, white, fighting back, what an army of us standing together to challenge this beast.  Next year I hope to take part again either as a volunteer or to enter a team of 10 to raise funds and awareness.  Any person who has walked the walk of cancer I encourage you to take part. Here are a few of the photos from that day.  Many thanks to my daughter Nicole for taking such memorable shots.

So that is all for this post....Darren and I are off to Rarotonga on Sunday for ten days for a relaxing holiday.....one which I think we truly deserve.  Until next time xx

A Date I Will Never Forget

Hi everyone. I couldn't let today pass by without a special post. To most it is Melbourne Cup Day but for me it is my 'D' Day - that is 'D' for diagnosis. Yes, two years today is when I became one of the seven woman a day handed a positive test for Breast Cancer. Some days I think where has the time gone and other days it feels like yesterday and it is hard to believe I have come so far.

How easily I have forgotten how rotten I felt whilst enduring chemotherapy and recovering from operations but I haven't forgotten all those people that were there for me and Darren. Supporting us, holding us whilst we howled our eyes out, encouraging us. Those people who gave practical help, taking me to appointments, cooking meals, bringing firewood and moral support. You are all angels in your own way.

I have met some amazing people and through my J'Beanies have made contact with so many more people who are fighting this beast. It has been humbling to be able to give them some support and be a listening ear.

Breast Cancer has changed me in so many ways and I know it's a horrible thing to go through but I think I am a better person after going through this. I look at life through a different pair of glasses now. I no longer sit around waiting for life to happen. I make things happen. I spend less time worrying about the less important things in life; I've stopped stressing over things that can't be changed because I know things will always work out one way or another. I spend more time with the people I love; I am devoting my working life to people who deserve it and not to those who are greedy with their time and money. I want to try new things that I have never done before - so to you Cancer, you may have taken my original breast but you did not take my spirit with it. I have stood up and fought you and you are gone from my life. Now I can move on with the rest of it. God Bless you all. xx

With Spring Comes New Life

I don't seem to be getting to blog much of late which means that I am extremely busy.

I have now changed jobs, Yes AGAIN. I didn't really feel that retail was my thing and felt that I could make a difference in a caring environment. I am now a caregiver. I go out to people's homes who are elderly, ill or have had an accident or operation and I help them with there personal cares, meals, cleaning, shopping, medication etc. I am thoroughly enjoying it. It is such a great feeling to be able to give something back to the community which helped me when I needed it. Having been through the BC journey I feel that I am looking at life from a very different angle. I have never been a money driven person but seemed to always end up working in that sort of environment. Now I finally feel like I am where I belong; to help people, to understand them and to be able to cheer their day. I am looking forward to doing some study to give me a qualification; something that at 48 years old, I have never had the opportunity to obtain.

I had my 2nd monthly checkup at the end of July and am pleased to report that I have a clean bill of health. I also had an ultrasound on my thyroid to keep an eye on things and once again, I have passed with flying colours.

The beanies are starting to get really busy again and I have had people ringing me from different organisations wanting to know how they can purchase them. It is so nice to be able to offer something pretty and practical for ladies going through treatment.

My Wonderful Life

Well finally I am able to find some time and update my blog. I have had it on my "To Do List" for the last couple of months.

As mentioned last time, I celebrated my 48th birthday in February. A few friends and family got together and went out for a lovely meal. For me, and I think a few of my friends, it was more than just a birthday. It was a celebration that I have come through the rough and out the other side and am here to celebrate another birthday. I will never again moan about getting old because quite frankly the alternative to aging is not an option. My daughters bought along a cake ablaze with candles which I quickly had to extinguish as it was creating a terrible hot flush.

Once we had finished at the restaurant we went out to the local bar and had drinks, drinks and drinks and danced the night away into the wee small hours. It was a great night. Bring on the birthdays I say, next big one 50. Party ideas already in the pipeline.

For those that don't know, I have a great new job. I started way back in March in a completely different role. I am working in customer service at our new local DIY warehouse in Paraparaumu. No more sitting behind desks for me. I am on my feet all day and have lost some of the weight that I accumulated during chemo. The position requires me to work every 2nd weekend but that is ok, I'm getting used to it now. Darren and I just make sure that we do something together on my weekends off. They are a really great team to work with and I am even on the Social Club Committee; they should be worried!!!

The beanies have slowed down a little bit but I am thinking that people are probably wearing normal, woolier hats now that we are in winter. I have been networking alot so I have most of the country covered now.

We are beginning to count down the months until our trip to the UK which is happening in April next year. We hope to have a stop over in Dubai as Darren is keen to have a look there and also once we get to England, we hope to go to Paris for a couple of days, which I am excited about.

As promised waaay back in my blog I said I would post a picture of my surgery areas as time goes on and they heal, so here it is. The tummy scar is still quite pink but the breast one is very feint. I still have no feeling in the new breast which I really can't get used to but otherwise I am great. My hair is well on its way to its former length and I have even started using the straighteners on it. My eyelashes still have to sort themselves out. Apparently it takes a while for them to resume their normal cycle of renewing themselves so every now and again I have patches where the new little lashes are pushing out the older longer ones, which creates an interesting look.



So all in all, life is great. I have had a new lease on life and am loving every minute of it.