Up And At 'Em

Well, time is flying.  I have been so busy lately that I haven't got around to posting.
I had my 3rd round of Paclitaxel last week.  I didn't have any reaction the two previous times so I was allowed out of the ward and into a laz-y-boy this time.  I also only had to have half of the antihistamine.  So I am now over a quarter of the way through.  I have had relatively little side effects, just a little tired, but what's new!  I feel almost 100% again and am back cooking meals, getting groceries and doing a little bit of exercise.

You regular bloggers may remember a few posts back that I was busy making chemotherapy beanies.  Well I have gone one step further with this concept and have gone into mass production, if you will.

I told the wonderful Cancer Society volunteer at Oncology that I would like to start making them for other wearers and she has helped me immensley in getting this off the ground.  So far she has given me email addresses of four women who may be interested.  Over the weekend my lounge became a sewing factory and by 6pm Sunday evening I had cut out and sewn 17 beanies, all in beautiful bright colours.   I have also put together my own little business card and am in the process of completing a flyer.  My darling husband has built me a website and if you click on the J'Beanies tab at the top of the page, it will take you to the link.

These beautiful beanies will also be available through this blog at $12.50 each.
I have gone with a jelly bean theme because of:-
1.  The bright colours that I will be using are similar to jelly bean colours
2.  The play on the word beanies and beans
3.  The 'J' obviously being my initial.

I have also approached our local Cancer Society and they are interested in perhaps displaying them for me.

So out of a bad situation, perhaps a new venture will be born. Wish me luck!!

Things I Didn't Know

Having a breast cancer diagnosis has really opened my eyes to things that I didn't know before.  Apart from all the medical jargon and tests, I didn't know that there are hundreds of other people trying to live as normal life as they can whilst travelling the long road to recovery.  People trying to carry on raising families, being wife and mother, chief cook and bottlewasher. People trying to carry on with their jobs without letting their treatment reflect in their work. Nor did I realise the financial strain that having a serious illness can sometimes cause people. When I used to think of people who have serious illnesses I had no idea of the impact it has over your entire life; your family, your job, your finances, your relationship with people. It encompasses every aspect of your life. And there are the people trying to come to terms with what has happened to them. Sometimes not realizing what they have been through until they have a break from all things medical and have time after the business of the last months; to absorb what has actually happened.  This happened to me a week or so ago.

Up until now I had been strong and positive; more so than what I thought I was capable of.  So much so, that I even offered support to people just starting out on this terrifying journey.  I suppose it had to happen though, eventually....I crashed. I actually realised the seriousness of it all and it scared the bjesus out of me.  I didn't like feeling sad, I didn't like feeling negative - this was not going to get me through. Every magazine I picked up had an article about cancer, every conversation people were having seemed to be about people who were terminally ill and had no hope for a recovery.  Even movies watched to cheer me up had some reference to cancer.  Unbeleivable.  This could not carry on; so I decided I would not read any more magazines for a while, I would not engage in any morbid conversations and I would have a darn good chat to my oncologist, which I did last Thursday. All it took from him were a few encouraging words and some reassurance and I am pleased to say I am back on top of things.

I had my first dose of Paclitaxel last Thursday.  Because there is a slight risk of  allergic reactions to this drug (which is made from extracts from the Yew tree), I had to lay down whilst having the drug administered.  I was given a light concoction of anti-nausea meds and two different anti-histamines incase I did infact suffer a reaction.  The administration of this drug was far quicker than the previous lot and only took a little over 2 1/2 hours even though they fed it in at a slower than usual rate.  After the second dose tomorrow, if I still don't react, they will speed up the pump so that it will cut the time down even more.

After I had finished, I felt really good, so Darren and I spent the afternoon doing a bit of retail therapy and shopping for groceries. By evening I expected to feel at least a little tired but it didn't happen.  The next day I got up and went to work as normal.  No sickness or queasiness at all.  I felt so good by the weekend that I stopped taking my anti-nauseas on Saturday morning and haven't looked back since.  Apart from feeling a little tired, which is to be expected, this is so far, a piece of cake.  May it continue for the next 11 weeks.

And there are a few other things that I didn't know.

I didn't know that a very old friend that I have known since I was 17, prays for me every morning.
I also didn't know that an aunty of my daughters (from their father's family) also remembers me and my family in her prayers.
I didn't know that my daughter's friends and work mates also care enough to ask her how I am.
I didn't know that our next door neighbours thought about me whilst they were in USA for three weeks; so much so that they bought us back tee-shirts from their trip to thank us for collecting their junk mail.
I didn't know that long, lost relatives in the UK love and care about me so much despite having lost contact for decades.
Breast cancer is a horrible thing but some wonderful realisations have come out of going through this so I have a lot to be thankful for.

It Never Rains....

Yep, you know how the rest of the saying goes.

I haven't actually blogged about the following topic before because I didn't really think it had any relevance but back in September of last year after we had just moved house, and before I knew I had breast cancer, I found a lump on my neck.
In the front and just off to the left.  Of course I Dr Googled and ruled out throat cancer. I took myself off to my GP and he ordered an ultrasound of my throat.  Three weeks later and a lot of worrying, the test results advised that it was a multi-nodule goitre of the thyroid.  My GP said he would refer me on to a specialist who would do further tests to see if it was cancerous or not.  Again I went on the internet and found out about thyroid cancer.  Apparently if you are going to get cancer, this is the one to get because it is 97% curable and is hardly ever terminal.   Seven months, yep, SEVEN MONTHS later I get an appointment with the specialist at Kenepuru Hospital.  He wanted me to go and have a needle biopsy of the area at Wellington Hospital. By this time I had had all my BC operations and had started chemotherapy.  Roughly three weeks later I went and had this really painful proceedure done.  They stuck a needle into my throat three times (without anaesthetic) and drew off samples which would then be sent away. I would be told my results in early July when I went back to Kenepuru Hospital.

So then, moving on in time, the day for my fourth and final round of AC chemotherapy rolled round.  As always before I see the nurse for the proceedure, I have to meet with my oncologogist and he does a quick physical, writes out a prescription for any meds and off I go for four hours.  After the oncologist had examined me, he told me everything looked fine, but then he disappeared out of the room for seemed like ages.  Nicole, her partner Brad, and Kelsey were in the room with me and I said to them that I felt something was wrong as he had been gone awhile.  When he came back he informed me that he had had a look at the results of my thryroid biopsy and was sorry to have to tell me but the cells they found were cancerous. So, what should have been a good day for the last of my rougher chemo, turned out in fact to be a rough day. Nicole asked if it was in any way related to the BC, and he said no, it was an entirely different strain. He informed me that I would have to have my thyroid removed (which I sort of already gathered).  Great, another operation!!!! I then had to be seen by an Ear Nose and Throat specialist who turned up with two registrars.  They all had a feel of my throat and then the specialist sprayed a liquid up my nose which would run down and numb my throat.  She then stuck a long thin tube which had a small camera on the end of it, up my nostril and down the back of my throat.  What a weird sensation that was!  The reason for this was to see if the cancer had spread to the throat.  She said it looked fine and then went on to say that they would like to operate in three weeks; which would have coincided with my first lot of Paclitaxol chemotherapy.  I would also need to have a CT scan on the area to see if they were going to do a small thyroid op or a full neck one.  She also informed me that there would be a slight risk in disturbing the vocal chords but if that happens they will go back in and fix it. Great, the last thing I want to sound like is Micky Mouse!    I was actually in a bit of shock as the thought of going into Wellington public hospital was enough to put the willies up me for a start. We all know how I feel about that place. It was quite unbelievable and all so rushed. Here I was thinking I was cancer free and there is another little blighter rearing it's head.
So I went into the ward and sat down miserably to have my chemotherapy. I felt absolutely gutted. Just when I thought there was light at the end of the long, long tunnel, it appears that it was another train.

We rode home and I tried not to feel miserable as I knew it wouldn't get me anywhere.
I hadn't been home very long, when the telephone rang.  It was the oncologist from Wellington hospital. He told me he had put my case to the some sort of medical board who had just discussed my history.  He said they had decided to put off my surgery until I had completed all of my chemotherapy as they didn't feel there was any need to interupt anything.  I can't tell you how relieved I felt about that.  Doing two things at once would have done my head in think. 

It wasn't a good week at all for us because my darling favourite aunt in England, who I have just got into contact with again after about 20 years got called back on her routine mammogram.  She found out last week that she has early breast cancer,  a little under the size of a pea. She is booked in for a lumpectomy on the 15th July and then will have radiation afterwards.  I am thankful that she doesn't have to go through chemotherapy.  Ladies, that is how important it is to have your mammograms so that these things can be picked up early.  Because my aunty caught it early she will also get to keep her breast. If you think something is not right, keep questioning it until you have all the right answers.  Until next time.......

No Nude Nut For Me

Well, I am into the first week of my 3rd round of AC chemo now.  The effects seemed to come on quicker this time round but also subsided quicker.  I returned to work a day earlier too so it was good to feel motivated to get back into the swing of things.  Strangely though, my hair seems to be clinging on for dear life.   I have always had a really good head of hair and even the nastiness of chemotherapy drugs is not strong enough to make my locks vacate their premises.  True, it is very thin, somewhat like a baby's first growth and is about one and half  inches long  but it is hanging in there. I am pleased to report that I have still got my eyelashes and also a  pair of albeit thinner eyebrows.  I only have one more lot of this harder chemo to go and then I will be having Paclitaxil once a week for 12 weeks.  According to other women who have had the same regime, it is a walk in the park as it is a much weaker dose and recovery time is quicker.

A couple of weeks ago I purchased some funky stretch fabric and set about making my own beanies.  There doesn't seem to be a supplier of the sort I was after anywhere else other than in the UK.  I also didn't fancy spending $40 + postage and packaging for one beanie.  I found a pattern on the internet and have so far made three. Once I have finished them I'll post some pics.  I thought that I might put my long dormant sewing skills to good use and see if there is a market for them and make some to sell; and not for $40 apiece.

On Wednesday morning I met with my plastic surgeon to review the next stage of reconstruction.....the icing on the cake......yup, the new nipple.  I was under the impression that my new nipple was going to be created by pulling some skin through a hole in the new breast, and folded over and stitched to create a fake one. The only problem with that method is that after a while, the skin flattens out and I will be left with uneven sized nipples....we can't be having that, can we!!!  So, what is actually going to be done is that the surgeon is going to slice the tip of my existing nipple in half (horizontally) and stitch the piece onto my reconstructed breast.  All this will be done under a local anaesthetic in the surgeons' rooms.  Amazing eh!! I just hope he sews it on straight.  I do not want one looking up and once looking down...that would be just too weird!  So, yeah, that is happening in August.  I will post pics of that for those that are interested.  Once that is all healed I just have to have my aerola tattooed on and Voila!! all done.

All The Beautiful Ladies

On Friday last week I attended the Look Good Feel Better workshop in Wellington. This is a free course held at the Cancer Society rooms for women undergoing treatment for cancer. It teaches about cleansing and looking after the complexion and shows how to apply makeup.  It is run by a wonderful lady called Leigh Renet who I'd already met. Leigh also works from her home in Northland supplying wigs and also creating handsewn hairpieces for women who require them.  On arriving at the Cancer Society rooms it was saddening to see so many women in the one place at this particular session that are affected by cancer of any sort. These sessions are run on a monthly basis.  The saddest thing was the arrival of a young girl, a 20 year old.  How cruel is life to affect somebody just starting out on hers. I have two daughters, 19 and 22 and this disease can inflict itself anyone.  This was somebody else's daughter going through this horrible thing. How terrible it must be for her parents to see their child going through this. I had the pleasure of being seated next to her whilst we were pampering. I didn't want to go into too much with her because it wasn't the occasion but she told me that she had a tumour in her shoulder and was having radiation treatment at present but wasn't sure what the next step was going to be for her after that.

Each two women had a lovely volunteer working with them both and we were all supplied with a kit, absolutely free. This kit contained, cleansers, moisturisers and a full make up kit in our colours.  We also got two added gifts of a wheatiebag for our shoulders and also a bottle of perfume each. (Click on photos to enlarge).

My kit

We were taken through each step, ie, make-up removal, cleansing, toning etc and were treated to a lovely facial massage by our volunteer.  Then we were shown how to apply each item of makeup right through from the foundation to the lipstick.  At the end of the session, there was a roomful of smiling, beautifully made-up ladies. It was a wonderful experience to participate in.

Before we started we were given the opportunity to purchase a raffle ticket. There were four draws; the major one being an overnight bag full of donated beauty products. We were able to choose our ticket numbers, so I took my age, Darren's age and my girls birth dates.  After the make-up session the raffles were drawn.  The first number was 47.....my age. I was so excited that I'd won something because I'd never so much as won a frozen chicken in a pub raffle before but I was even more excited by the fact that I had won the major prize.  The bag was jam packed with all sorts of goodies, from Channel, yes Channel face powder to Lancome mascara, from Christian Dior lipsticks to Dr Lewenns serums.  

My prize

This course was well worth going to and brightened my week.  The volunteers are truly amazing. They give up their time to attend these courses to help women like myself to look better and  feel confident while they are going through their treatment.

Chemo - Round Two

By the time the third week came around again for my next chemotherapy session, I was well over hospitals! the previous Thursday I had been to Kenepuru Hospital for an ultrasound for the fibroids and then on the Tuesday I had to go and have an ultrasound guided biopsy on some nodules on a goitre in my neck. I seemed to have spent the best part of a week attending medical appointments and was well sick of it all.

I was better organised this time, packing myself a box of goodies to eat whilst I was receiving my treatment. I was actually dreading entering the treatment area and just the thought of it made me feel sick but once I was there I felt ok. Well, at least I was until other women started talking to me and sharing their stories of woe and failed treatments.  The next thing I knew I was in tears, blubbering to the nurse, feeling as if all this was pointless. The lovely nurse pulled the curtain around me and sat and shared some encouraging words until I had stopped crying. Next time I come for treatment I'm not going to talk to anybody because everytime I do I go away with their baggage and sob stories which hammers at my positive attitude that I have so far been able to keep.

So, two down, two to go. Friday afternoon I started to feel the effects and spent Friday afternoon sleeping.
I'd had my anti-nausea meds changed this time, as the first round of meds had made me manic and unable to stay asleep.  This time I felt much better. Saturday was spent in bed all day sleeping but the effects of the chemo were nowhere near as bad as the first lot.  On Sunday I still felt really tired but didn't actually sleep and by Sunday afternoon was able to go down to the beach for a walk. By Sunday evening, I felt well enough to drive my daughter up to the train station. Monday and Tuesday were quite good days but I was still tired and a new side effect had set in.....I felt depressed.  I spoke to my oncology nurse who told me that the steroids that are given for the first 3 days can often affect you in that way and that it would pass. I'm sure also that not being at work and around people for 5 days was also causing me to lose motivation so by the time Wednesday came around I was really looking forward to going back to work. Once I got back into the routine of a normal day again, I started to come right.

Pink Tears And Other Weird Bodily Functions

I started my chemotherapy on Thursday 15th April.  We had to be at Wellington Hospital by 9.20 so it was another early start to beat the traffic. When we got to the city we went to the Cancer Society rooms first.  There we were given a pass to park free in the Cancer Society carpark whilst I was having my treatment.  We got to the Blood and Cancer Dept in good time and I thought that we would not have to wait very long as it was an early morning appointment. We were due to meet the oncologist at 9:30  and then onto the nurse for the actual chemotherapy at 10:00. We didn't actually get to see the oncologist until 10:30 so I was quite nervous with all the waiting around; I just wanted to get on with it. We met with the oncologist and he ran over a few things with us and then advised that the results of my MUGA scan had come back fine.  He also told me that some benign fybroids on my uterus had shown up on the CT scan. I think at that point, Darren, Nicole and my own heart skipped a beat for a second thinking the worst. They showed the results to the Gyno people and they said that the fibroids were not very impressive so therefore nothing to worry about but I will have to go and have an ultrasound at some stage.

After that we were taken down to the treatment room which had six Laz-y-boy chairs in. I was introduced to my oncology nurse Anne. First thing I had to do was sit with a wheat pack on my arm for about 20 minutes to ensure that the arm was warm and that the vein would be easy to get at. When that was done, a needle was inserted into the vein in the top of my hand and a saline drip was set up.  Once that was well underway I was given a concoction of anti-nausea drugs. At this point I thought I would read a bit of my book but the anti-nausea drugs seemed to fuddle my brain a wee bit so I gave up on that idea.

The first drug they administered was the Adriamycin which the nurse injected from a syringe.  The funniest thing about having this go through your system is that your urine comes out pink and apparently if you cry, your tears are pink also.

Whilst I was waiting for the next dose, a lovely lady from the Cancer Society came around and gave everyone a lunch pack which was awesome as I was getting really hungry by this time.

I was then hooked up to a machine where the second drug, Cytoxan was going to be pumped into my veins.  It was a very long proceedure; I think we ended up leaving the hospital about 2:00pm. So that was my first dose over and done with. I have to have three more of this regime at intervals of  three weeks. A day before I am due for a cycle of drugs I have to have blood tests. If my white blood cell count is too low I have to wait until it comes back up, before I can have my next dose.

So I arrived home after firstly going to pick up a prescription for three kinds of anti-nausea medication which I had to take for the following five days. They also give you three vials of anti-nausea medication incase you actually vomit and can't keep tablets down.  If you get this bad, the nurse comes round and injects you with it.  Thursday night I felt ok. The oncology nurse did warn me that the steriods in the anti-nausea medication could make me feel a bit manic.  Friday morning I felt ok and decided I would go and get the groceries with Darren.  This was ok too but the meds made me feel that I couldn't stop walking so I pushed the trolley and just kept on the move.  Friday afternoon I started to feel tired and things started to kick in. My face started to feel hot and I looked like I had a bad dose of the flu. I think Saturday was the worst day of all; all I did was sleep, wake up and take meds and try and eat a few spoonfuls of food and then go back to bed.  I was so ravenously hungry but had no appetite and the more hungier I was, the more nauseous I felt. Also one of the meds made me fidgety and during the night I had to keep getting out of bed and walking around to ease the weird sensations.

Sunday morning dawned and I felt slightly better. I was able to send a few texts and managed to hand sew a hem on one of my work dresses.  In the afternoon Darren took me out for a drive in the car and I managed to get out at the park and have quite a long walk in the sunshine.  I even managed to wolf down a lovely beef roast that evening.

Monday came and I felt even better still only I could not stomach the sickly sweet smell of the air freshner in the toilet or the smell of the handsoap in the bathroom.
Another side effect of the anti-nausea drugs is that it can effect the muscles in the fact that they do involuntary things.  Much to my annoyance, the sides of my mouth seemed to take on a mind of their own and much to Darren's amusement, I started to dribble from both corners.  Luckly this passed in a couple of days.

Tuesday I was feeling even better.  Once I was on my way up I seemed to improve in leaps and bounds so much so that Nicole and I went shopping.

On Wednesday I went back to work.  I felt better than I thought I would even though I had to have a rest half-way up the stairs to my office.

On Thursday I started to get a bit of a sore throat and had also developed big, painful ulcers on my tongue and a very sore mouth, which made me quite miserable.  I followed the nurses advice and made up a special mouthwash, got hold of some Orocort from the chemist and by the next morning, my mouth was on the mend.

To ensure that I stay in good health, I am not allowed to go anywhere where there are huge crowds of people and also I am not allowed to hug anyone.  They may be carrying an illness or infection but be unaware of it. I also have to stay away from people that have coughs, colds or flu. Because my white cell count is low it means that my imune system cannot fight anything and if I get an infection, it will put me in hospital....I think I've spent enough time in a hospital bed in the last few months so am not keen to revisit.

I am now on day 14 and my hair has just started to fall out. Just as well we are heading into the cooler weather.

So, my next round is scheduled for 6th May and I am all prepared and know what to expect.  Next time I will be half way through this main regime. The three months will be up before I know it.