Having a breast cancer diagnosis has really opened my eyes to things that I didn't know before. Apart from all the medical jargon and tests, I didn't know that there are hundreds of other people trying to live as normal life as they can whilst travelling the long road to recovery. People trying to carry on raising families, being wife and mother, chief cook and bottlewasher. People trying to carry on with their jobs without letting their treatment reflect in their work. Nor did I realise the financial strain that having a serious illness can sometimes cause people. When I used to think of people who have serious illnesses I had no idea of the impact it has over your entire life; your family, your job, your finances, your relationship with people. It encompasses every aspect of your life. And there are the people trying to come to terms with what has happened to them. Sometimes not realizing what they have been through until they have a break from all things medical and have time after the business of the last months; to absorb what has actually happened. This happened to me a week or so ago.
Up until now I had been strong and positive; more so than what I thought I was capable of. So much so, that I even offered support to people just starting out on this terrifying journey. I suppose it had to happen though, eventually....I crashed. I actually realised the seriousness of it all and it scared the bjesus out of me. I didn't like feeling sad, I didn't like feeling negative - this was not going to get me through. Every magazine I picked up had an article about cancer, every conversation people were having seemed to be about people who were terminally ill and had no hope for a recovery. Even movies watched to cheer me up had some reference to cancer. Unbeleivable. This could not carry on; so I decided I would not read any more magazines for a while, I would not engage in any morbid conversations and I would have a darn good chat to my oncologist, which I did last Thursday. All it took from him were a few encouraging words and some reassurance and I am pleased to say I am back on top of things.
I had my first dose of Paclitaxel last Thursday. Because there is a slight risk of allergic reactions to this drug (which is made from extracts from the Yew tree), I had to lay down whilst having the drug administered. I was given a light concoction of anti-nausea meds and two different anti-histamines incase I did infact suffer a reaction. The administration of this drug was far quicker than the previous lot and only took a little over 2 1/2 hours even though they fed it in at a slower than usual rate. After the second dose tomorrow, if I still don't react, they will speed up the pump so that it will cut the time down even more.
After I had finished, I felt really good, so Darren and I spent the afternoon doing a bit of retail therapy and shopping for groceries. By evening I expected to feel at least a little tired but it didn't happen. The next day I got up and went to work as normal. No sickness or queasiness at all. I felt so good by the weekend that I stopped taking my anti-nauseas on Saturday morning and haven't looked back since. Apart from feeling a little tired, which is to be expected, this is so far, a piece of cake. May it continue for the next 11 weeks.
And there are a few other things that I didn't know.
I didn't know that a very old friend that I have known since I was 17, prays for me every morning.
I also didn't know that an aunty of my daughters (from their father's family) also remembers me and my family in her prayers.
I didn't know that my daughter's friends and work mates also care enough to ask her how I am.
I didn't know that our next door neighbours thought about me whilst they were in USA for three weeks; so much so that they bought us back tee-shirts from their trip to thank us for collecting their junk mail.
I didn't know that long, lost relatives in the UK love and care about me so much despite having lost contact for decades.
Breast cancer is a horrible thing but some wonderful realisations have come out of going through this so I have a lot to be thankful for.
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